Making the effort to learn how to inner-view effectively is more than worth your time - taking things slowly and learning what a person is really all about is not only a great way to get to know the real them, it's an investment in your future and a way to make sure you are spending your time wisely instead of wasting time with the wrong people. Real love is not something that is negotiated, and great relationships begin within, so unless you think that playing games and engaging in power struggles has worked for you in the past, then it's time to find another way to do things.
It can be immensely painful to find out that someone you're really interested in is married, or in a relationship, or only looking for sex, or simply not interested in you. Obviously a great relationship is not just about having that initial spark with someone, otherwise finding these things out would be no problem, and I wouldn't be writing this blog!
Last time I promised you I'd tell you the one thing you should know before going on a first date. Up until now we've focused a lot on finding out who the other person is, what special things they have to offer, and so forth, but what we haven't talked much about is that for them, YOU are the "other person," so what happens when they start asking questions about you?
This morning I asked myself, if I were single and on a first date, what questions would I be afraid to hear, and what answers would I dread having to give? There's always the feeling of not wanting to overshare when you're just getting to know someone; you may have some things that you want to share with them over time. But if you have some things that you are keeping secret, know that eventually they will drive space between you and the person you are trying to be close to, if you don't deal with the situation head-on. There are the stupid things you did when you were younger, and maybe you can laugh about those now, but there are other things that you may still be ashamed of or hurt about, and these are things to keep in mind when you're planning to go into the inner-view process. The other person will likely have as complicated a history as you do, so ask your questions with grace, and answer with the same open honesty that you want them to have.
So for anyone going on a first date, here are the five questions that you should find out the answers to if you want a fulfilling, healthy, lasting relationship!
1. If they're actually single and not with someone, married, separated but still living in the same house, etc.
2. If they're emotionally available, or still going through some heartache from the last relationship
3. If they're looking for a casual thing, just sex, or something more lasting and real
4. If they want to have kids someday - this may seem like too much to ask on a first date, but if you can find out now, then you can avoid wasting time on future dates if their answer does not match your own plans
5. If they're capable of commitment - previous long-term relationships serve well as evidence
So there you go my lovelies, and stay tuned for my upcoming book DIRT, Plan B: 101 Questions that make or break a relationship!