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Die, die, die, my darling

Posted Aug 25 2008 3:38pm

Have you ever seriously contemplated murdering your spouse?

I haven't...until today.

I think strangling him would work nicely. No...poison...poison would be better. He's too strong for me to strangle. Then, of course, there comes the problem of disposing of the body, right? Right.

Why is it that no one tells you that at times during your marriage that thin line between love and hate gets so fuzzy, so blurred, that it's practically non-existent? That sometimes, just loving each other isn't enough. That some days, life together feels more like a life sentence than a vacation.

Why is it that no one tells you that some arguements will go on forever? That sometimes the lines of communication just go down without warning. That sometimes, for some reason, neither of you will hear the other's side of the story.

Why is it that no one tells you that sometimes you'll just feel like pummeling your mate in his big, fat head with a heavy object? That you will flush the toilet and run the kitchen faucet when he is in the shower just so that you can snicker at his girly shrieks when the water turns scalding hot. That you will be secretly routing for him to be repeatedly taken out by a sniper while he's playing Call of Duty online.

Why is it that no one tells you that no matter how in love you are with each other, and how much good stuff there is in the relationship, that the bad stuff will occasionally surface just to slap you in the face and give you a reality check?

Why is it that, despite many, many hours of searching online, I still cannot seem to find a straight answer as to whether or not PMS is an acceptable defense when claiming temporary insanity for man slaughter? Heh. Kidding. Sort of...
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