But, I also know...that the biggest gift I've been given is my family.
He gave me the incredible privilege of getting to be a mom to Taylor and Chloe.
They are bigger than a blog.
Bigger than my career.
Bigger than my ministry.
They are the biggest audience in my life.
They are my most important followers.
My most important ministry.
And they are also growing by the month.
And I've been missing out because I was too focused on me.
This homeschooling world?
Is so beyond outside of my comfort zone, it's not even funny.
Still, there hasn't been a single panic attack nor a need to take up drinking, so I guess I'd say so far so good.
It's only been a couple of months but already there is a shift in my home.
Taylor is calmer and happier, and way more loving than he's ever been.
And our bond seems deeper as we both charter new territory and experience this change together.
We are learning to love even more unconditionally and with each day comes incredible forgiveness and the sweetest grace.
On both our parts.
And the strangest thing of all?I used to dread the end of the school day when the kids would come home.
Not because I wasn't excited to see them, but because my alone/quiet time was over or being interrupted before I was ready.
I love that I'm with my kids all the time. (okay, most of the time...)
I don't see it as a burden or an inconvenience, and in just weeks of being purposeful in my time with them, I feel as though I know and understand them better.
And I love that.
These last few months haven't been easy.
It's like nothing I've ever experienced before.
It's as though I've been dropped off in a foreign country and without knowing the language or the land, I must find a way to make it my home.
I want to be here, doing things for me.
But, I need to be there, caring and tending to their hearts and lives.
God has called me to both.
It's a learning curve.
A new life.
A chance to combine the two worlds I'm caught between into one.
I feel as though this place....this incredibly uncomfortable yet comforting place, is exactly where I'm supposed to be.
I'm scared and I'm excited.
I finally feel I have a purpose.
I finally feel like a good mom, even on my bad days.
God is changing me.
It's not easy and it's most certainly not comfortable.
But, it's a change I needed, and I think He knew that.
© 2012 "Le Musings of Moi"