Book Review: Connected Parenting: Transform Your Challenging Child and Build Loving Bonds for Life ~ MSW, RSW, Jennifer Kolar
Posted May 20 2009 9:29am
<iframe src=”http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=moviereelcom-20&o=1&p=8&l=as1& style=”width:120px;height:240px;” scrolling=”no” marginwidth=”0″ marginheight=”0″ frameborder=”0″></iframe>I became interested in reading the book, Connected Parenting: Transform Your Challenging Child and Build Loving Bonds for Life, after reading a personal review from a blog. Sometimes, it is hard to believe how fast children grow. Before you know it, your baby is no longer in diapers and is already driving a car, getting a diploma, and moving out of the house. While reading this book, I never realized how much parents are responsible for the way children change as far as attitudes, feelings, and acceptance goes. This book explains how when babies cry, are cold, wet, or hungry, parents are always there to pick them up and cuddle them, to let them know we are there for them. When children get older, especially in their toddler years, parents start to pull away with the cuddling and cooing. When toddlers come to parents hungry, or crying, parents begin to say, “Wait a Minute,” or “What, you just ate, you can’t be hungry.” Parents start to tell children to stop crying and act like a big girl or a big boy. When they were babies, they knew what to expect from our reactions and sounds, and as they get older we do a 360 and tell them they are wrong, almost as if our love for them changed as soon as they were out of diapers. I felt saddened as I read this book, as I found I was guilty of doing this with my own children, and even to my grandson. My grandson is nine and came to me the other day holding his elbow, telling me how he hit it on the kitchen chair and how much it hurt. He was looking for some attention and love, and all I said to him was “Oh you’ll be alright, you’re a big boy it can’t hurt that much.” I now know why he walked away with his head down clutching his elbow. When I am hurting, I expect sympathy from my family, so why are we so quick to keep it from the children after a certain age? Children, also, tend to not come to us with their problems as they get older. Children fear a negative response or a dismissive one, like their problems don’t merit a solution. The authors of this book tells us how parents need to create that safe loving reaction to our children at any age, to help them to grow and to interact with other kids and people in general. If your child is challenging, or has has behavior issues, I suggest you read Connected Parenting and perform the small steps the authors suggests. I, personally, took their suggested steps and seen an improvement in my grandchild’s attitude. I loved this book and highly recommend it to all parents.