I expected to be emotionally moved by the Birth Mother's Day celebration. In fact, it was more like a tectonic shift.
Birth mother grief... I never imagined the depth or scope of it. I didn't know, I just didn't know, how it felt from your side of time.
Our childless counselors and the celibate priests, and those married with children said, "Go on with your life. You will be able to have other children", and turning away they spoke only of the joy of those who received our children as though it was now the only story. (from Breaking the Silence by Mary Jean Wolch-Marsh)
There is a child somewhere, Lost in earth, Or time, He was mine. There is no other feeling Like the movement of an unborn child, It's closer than someone touching you, From the outside. It is purely and cleanly, And clearly, Your own moment. For those few months we were together Alone against the world But society, That grand cheat, Took him away When we needed each other most. I cannot say why I could not keep him. Could there be a reason why? Did I reject him in my guilt? Because he wouldn't let me give up When I wanted to? I carried him, and he carried me. Through a time when we could not go alone. And I've been lost ever since. ( Lost by Cindy Sheff)
I know now that I will never know, but now I understand.