Here's something you can repeat to yourself like a mantra: You need to use your head before you go to bed, or else you'll break your heart. Sadly, most of us can say that it wouldn't be the first times our hearts got broken. It sounds easy to remember this golden rule of thinking things through before having sex, but when you're in the heat of the moment and the chemistry is there, it's easy to confuse attraction for something deep and real. Notice I said that YOU will break your heart. Love happens within yourself, not "out there" or with the other person. When you feel that love within yourself and share that energy field with someone else, a bond is formed. In the unfortunate case that the bond gets broken, it feels like it's breaking your heart right along with it. So how can we avoid this painful change of energy?
Well…sorry, but you can't. I know that's not what you want to hear. But change is the only constant in life, and just as the sun rises and sets without fail, you cannot stop change from happening, even if you really don't want it to. You can spend your life trying to convince yourself that you'll be the one person in the history of the universe who can successfully stop the sun from doing its thing (which is what many of us do with love), or you can learn something from the changes in your life and move on.
Myself, I learned some hard lessons from the changes, but at first they were the wrong lessons. I felt my heart had been torn apart, stepped on, and thrown away by men, and I felt that there was no point in dreaming about a Happily Ever After. So then, instead of continuing to try to stop the sun from setting, I decided to focus my search on finding the thing I really wanted: someone who would always be there for me, someone who would never be indifferent toward me, and someone who would always respect and love me.
When that magic person finally came along, I was shocked at who it was - because it was me. I was the true and lasting love I had been looking for "out there," when in fact it was inside me the whole time. Love is not in someone else's arms, and it's definitely not in someone else's bed. Waking up to this higher truth is the answer I had been seeking for many years, and to this day it is one of the greatest lessons I've ever learned.
When you accept that love is inside you rather than in someone else, then you can choose to share your life with a person with whom you have compatibility, someone who will respect you and also want to share their soul, their spirit, their love. This is the way to be heart-smart!
Here's a road map to get you started:
* It can be hard to stop clinging to the idea that love is "out there" somewhere, but resolve to seek a higher truth!
* When you feel that powerful sexual attraction, think it through before you do it - it can lead to expectations and attachments that will end in heartache.
* No matter what, never compromise your safety. Protect your integrity and keep your eye on your heart's true desires.
* Don't mistake the feeling of chemistry for having found The One. Just because you feel love when you're near someone doesn't mean they're necessarily right for you.
* Discover what is right for you by making a habit of self-inquiry. Use your mind to serve your spirit.