Dear Dillon, Best friend, now hater of the Roberts.
I am so very, very sorry I forgot to say Happy Birthday on your Birthday. The thing is, you're not on Facebook, and everyone knows that Facebook is a public diary, and even then I don't check it much.
You should blow your Birthday trumpet loudly, and text 'It's my birthday tomorrow and you better get me a present' especially with someone like me. I even forgot my own mother's birthday once and she was pretty cross too...
This is probably because I can never be arsed with my own birthday; i.e pretty much everyone forgets it or shoves it to the side as of lesser importance, because it falls before New Year and just after Christmas. It has even been the case that I receive birthday presents in Christmas paper. You, however, would have received a birthday present wrapped in newspaper, or a brown paper bag, as I'm too tight to buy wrapping paper. But then this is about you ---
It might be worth adding here, that as you were really busy the other week... you forgot to attend Jack's birthday party. I think that might make us equal.
Perhaps it would help if I remind you of all the positive influences I've had on your life:
* the job in the sticks I told you to take because you wanted a change, and more money - but then they treated you so bad you were traumatised. That was me. * the time I took you for dinner, my treat, but then it was too expensive so made you go half (in Hale) That was me. * my first day at work, when you were my boss, where I took a shower because it saved using the electricity and hot water at home... that was me. Yes I could hear you all tittering in the kitchen as you made brews "her first day and she takes a shower - no one ever uses that shower"
Ah I knew there'd be something worthwhile here: the beer I handed you at weekend, the proceeded to drink your half.
Well, OK, I'm not the best best friend a boy could ask for, but, well, at least I give you loads of ammunition to throw at me? And that's worth something.
I'll make it up to you, in a completely-non-sexual-way, because that's what friends do... like. OH I've posted your profile on Sugarmummy.com I thought that'd be a nice present for you...?
Much regret and I am truly horrended I forgot (*other excuse, have been run off feet getting Jack's things ready for trip to France * and am working a lot * and have memory problem * and had an insane amount of kids' birthdays this week to attend to --- not that you are less important than any of that, actually you are more important, you were filed in 'do not forget' and then I lost the key to the cabinet).
I'm crap, I know I am. And Jack's just called to say he's forgotten his rugby kit, and I must drop it off, and I'm off on a 40 mile round trip to teach Spanish... then to a school event, then another... I'm weeping now.... Sorry.