6:55... I'm done going to bed an wishing this day...no, this holiday season...no, the whole freaking year would end rather quickly. Screw making cookies. Sucks because i loved Christmas time and now too down to even care. Always stuck at home, only to go to dr. Appts, therapies...etc. I know this is the life god chose for me...but geeze...it kinda blows! I have PTSD from the death of my child and the ups and downs of Kenny's health struggles....I don't get to hang out with friends...ever, and I really want my life back...you know, making T-shirts for micro preemies, making headpieces/jewelry, drawing...I lost it all. Has nothing to do with how many kids we have...it's about being a caregiver to a sick child with so many different needs...from Autism to feeding issues to giving him his Meds.. My life right now is his life. I love him and all my children with all my heart and soul....and would and have given up everything for them...but I'm just bummed. I wish I had my twins here. I honestly miss my nick so much. It wasn't fair that god called him back so soon. I wanted him and never had the chance to be his mom! This is the first year that I didn't put up my angel tree...not that I didn't want too...but as I was getting all the ornaments from the container...all the angels were broken. So was my heart. I know this post is a Debbie downer, but I have always written what I feel.
Hen a huge shout out (NOT) to Toys For Tots. just have to say...the system sucks!!! There are tons of people abusing it when there are true people in need! Something is just not right when people standing in line to get a few toys for kids, who are supposedly too poor to buy their own, pull out iPhone, etc. The conversations that were heard were about how this one woman was getting gifts for her 10 grandchildren (whom doesn't even live with her), another guy was on his phone getting SSN from whoever and writing them down...as he was telling the person on the other end that he was going to get these toys so he could sell them!!!! This has got to change! Oh...and these people were every year regulars! They know exactly what to do...even brought big garbage bags to put the toys in!!!! shouldn't there be a limit? Shouldn't they look at the documents of income, birth certs, proof of residence...etc like they ask you to bring? I don't think I can ever get myself to donate to anything like this ever again...ba-humbug! It has really ruined my outlook on things! I tried calling the head of the organization AND the news stations but no one cares. It's another reason why I have lost my holiday cheer!