Yeah I know – two weeks no real posts…no words from me. Really I had none, zero for a lot of reasons, some I can talk about some I cannot. But one I can talk about makes me want to talk to the other adoptive parents who have adopted toddlers because I think that is the root of my issue….
In the last two weeks I started catching up on two months of reading the blogs I LIVED for while we were in the process of adopting, the women who made sure I made it through the first six months home, the support system that I had given up on or at least it felt like I had even if they didn’t think I had. Seriously I was trying to read EVERY post I missed, and as I was reading I remembered why I stopped reading – because the amazing posts made me feel like a bad mom even though not a single one of them said CARISSA YOU ARE A HORRIBLE MOTHER. What would make me feel that way? Why would I let words on a page get to me?
Because my two year olds have no language to speak of, I know a one year old who has more language skills than my kids do, and I read posts of 13 month olds with more words than my two year olds – 47 more words to be exact. It used to be that they were behind on everything and after months and months of hard work they are typical two year olds in every other sense. I am sure they are sick of therapists and mama telling them what every item they see is. I am pretty sure that they think I am some sort of tyrant, the tears my son cries when I walk out the door (even to just get the mail) are tears of happiness that the crazy woman he MIGHT call mama someday is FINALLY gone.
I am pretty sure they don’t call me mama because if they kind of get it right I throw a HUGE party and they cannot figure out what is so special about that ONE word that their favorite doll says all the time. Actually if Little Princess says mama she is usually talking about the doll that I would like to draw and quarter.
The kicker is that they talk to each other ALL the time (just in case some non-adoptive parents are reading – no they don’t talk to each other in Korean but in twin talk). I know they are close, I know they love each other even when they are mad at each other, I know they love to play with each other and I am getting to the point where I think they are telling each other “Don’t talk to that woman – she is NUTS…”
(yes I made the hat, yes I realize it is not Christmas yet, yes he threw a HUGE fit when I took it off, yes we had JUST finished dinner – tacos and spanish rice…)
So I stopped reading again…I envy all of you who get to hear the words “I love you” or even “mama” daily and know that your children mean you and are talking about you. I don’t want to envy you, and I want to read but I have to have a way to deal with these feelings.
So my question is to those of you who adopted toddlers – how long did the language take? And how did you deal with it – was it easy or did you have the same issues I am right now? We brought the twins home at 14 months old, they were starting to say (and know what they mean) some words in Korean then…and now 12 months later I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. I know that everything is ok and I have been told that the words they do have make it so that we know their language is ok just they are not talking to anyone other than each other.
(So you know this is not the WHOLE reason why I was out of words…there is more watch for that over the next few days. I have a guest post from a really cool daddy blogger, and at least one fun post so I will get to the other post soon I promise….it is important as well.)
Yeah I know – two weeks no real posts…no words from me. Really I had none, zero for a lot of reasons, some I can talk about some I cannot. But one I can talk about makes me want to talk to the other adoptive parents who have adopted toddlers because I think that is the root of my issue….
In the last two weeks I started catching up on two months of reading the blogs I LIVED for while we were in the process of adopting, the women who made sure I made it through the first six months home, the support system that I had given up on or at least it felt like I had even if they didn’t think I had. Seriously I was trying to read EVERY post I missed, and as I was reading I remembered why I stopped reading – because the amazing posts made me feel like a bad mom even though not a single one of them said CARISSA YOU ARE A HORRIBLE MOTHER. What would make me feel that way? Why would I let words on a page get to me?
Because my two year olds have no language to speak of, I know a one year old who has more language skills than my kids do, and I read posts of 13 month olds with more words than my two year olds – 47 more words to be exact. It used to be that they were behind on everything and after months and months of hard work they are typical two year olds in every other sense. I am sure they are sick of therapists and mama telling them what every item they see is. I am pretty sure that they think I am some sort of tyrant, the tears my son cries when I walk out the door (even to just get the mail) are tears of happiness that the crazy woman he MIGHT call mama someday is FINALLY gone.
I am pretty sure they don’t call me mama because if they kind of get it right I throw a HUGE party and they cannot figure out what is so special about that ONE word that their favorite doll says all the time. Actually if Little Princess says mama she is usually talking about the doll that I would like to draw and quarter.
The kicker is that they talk to each other ALL the time (just in case some non-adoptive parents are reading – no they don’t talk to each other in Korean but in twin talk). I know they are close, I know they love each other even when they are mad at each other, I know they love to play with each other and I am getting to the point where I think they are telling each other “Don’t talk to that woman – she is NUTS…”
(yes I made the hat, yes I realize it is not Christmas yet, yes he threw a HUGE fit when I took it off, yes we had JUST finished dinner – tacos and spanish rice…)
So I stopped reading again…I envy all of you who get to hear the words “I love you” or even “mama” daily and know that your children mean you and are talking about you. I don’t want to envy you, and I want to read but I have to have a way to deal with these feelings.
So my question is to those of you who adopted toddlers – how long did the language take? And how did you deal with it – was it easy or did you have the same issues I am right now? We brought the twins home at 14 months old, they were starting to say (and know what they mean) some words in Korean then…and now 12 months later I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. I know that everything is ok and I have been told that the words they do have make it so that we know their language is ok just they are not talking to anyone other than each other.
(So you know this is not the WHOLE reason why I was out of words…there is more watch for that over the next few days. I have a guest post from a really cool daddy blogger, and at least one fun post so I will get to the other post soon I promise….it is important as well.)