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A heady cocktail of shell-suits, fringes and trainer tongues …

Posted Mar 08 2011 5:42am

I bought the 5 year old an ‘Original flavour’ chapstick the other day on account of his dry lips.  The smell took me back to my early teens; Trainers with their tongues hanging out, big fringes and turquoise shell-suits. I gave it to him and thought nothing more of it.

In my six and a half years as a mother my children have bestowed on me several surprise ‘gifts’; The time my daughter stuck a raisin as far up her nose as she could; The graffiti on the rented house dining room wall the week before we moved; The time my boy scattered a 2kg bag of dog food all over the kitchen; The time my daughter took her new born brother out of his bouncy chair and left him on the floor; the arc of poo on the cream bedroom carpet. … Just a small selection of gifts I have discovered.

I thought that now they were 5 and 6 we were over that stage, that at least their gifts would be wanted; a new coat for Mother’s Day *cough*, a shiny new watch for my birthday maybe?

But no, this morning when I woke from my slumber with a child jumping on my knees “Aaaaargh, my legs don’t bend that way” I needed a drink.  I keep a glass of water by the side of the bed for such thirst quenching moments.  I glugged away and was nearly sick as the heady cocktail of shell-suits, fringes and trainer tongues engulfed my senses.

It seems that some time between yesterday and today, by manner of stealth, someone, probably aged 5, had removed a chapstick from it’s casing and mixed it into my water, making a Chapstick Cocktail.  As I type this I am gagging as the faint odour of chapstick is still in my throat.

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