A Follow-Up Letter to the Fine People at International Delight
Posted Mar 10 2010 2:43am
I know that you haven't yet responded to my first letter . That's okay. I understand that arranging a warehouse full of creamer is not a task that can be done overnight. Please know that I would be willing to travel up to one hour in any direction to access this warehouse.
I am really hoping that you've reconsidered your decision to make Sweet Buttercream a limited edition. See, since I last wrote to you, he's become very despondent over his seeming unemployment. While he used to have such a zest for life, he now sits on the couch all day with his friend, Fat Tire, mouth slack and remote nearby. When I go to the grocery store where we first met, I'm greeted with nothing but emptiness. An empty spot on the shelf where he once stood proudly, an empty spot in my heart.
I'm asking you to think not just of my beloved Sweet Buttercream, but won't you please think of the children? Yes, the children. We have so many of them, you see, and as a teacher, I know that children need strong role models. With their daddy out of a job and their mother weeping all day long about the day their father will leave her, it's just not creating a very positive home environment. And as I'm sure you know, children ARE our future. Just look at these beautiful, shining faces. See, fine people at International Delight? No one loves your products more than me. I am almost certainly responsible for any sort of upswing you've had in product sales lately, so the LEAST you can do is repay me by not taking away my one true love.
International Delight did not pay me for my slightly obsessive ramblings. They may be looking into the logistics of a creamer warehouse. Or they may be looking into the logistics of a restraining order.