One would think it would be kinda cool or even fun to have a birthday on April Fools Day. But no...not me. It's never been cool and it certainly has never been fun....well, with the exception of my 21st birthday, which was definitely unforgettable (thanks to my college roommates). My parents always saw my birthday as a prime opportunity to play cruel jokes on me. Why couldn't they just be the type of parents who pulled nice, funny pranks....why did they have to use the whole "April Fools baby" thing as a way to screw with my head?
Here are just a few of the jokes they've played on me in the past:
1) They pretended to forget my birthday one year. I went all day long thinking no one had remembered my birthday. And I was only 7 YEARS OLD, for crying outloud....how cruel and evil is that? But then again, maybe they actually did forget it was my birthday and that was their cover story...kinda convenient, don't ya think? I forgave them....only because the birthday cake totally rocked.
2) One year, my mom told me that none of my friends wanted to come to my birthday party. I cried and cried and cried...and she let me go on thinking that my friends totally sucked. Then they surprised me with a birthday party at Carvel. I forgave them....only because the ice cream cake totally rocked.
3) Living in Miami when I was younger, our home was invaded quite frequently by fire ants. If you've never heard of fire ants, be grateful. Scary creatures....and when they bite you, it feels like they're eating a hole right through your skin....the bite burns like hell. Like, why did God even create ants? I'm sure there was some purpose there but I fail to see what that is. Anyway, we often had to hide food in the oven to prevent the fire ants from seeking out refuge in our kitchen, while scarfing down all our food. One year, my mom "accidentally" left my birthday cake out on the counter and in the morning, it was covered with those freaky fire ants. I cried and cried and cried....she let me go the entire day thinking there would be no cake at my birthday party. Then to my surprise, she presented the real cake (that she had hidden in our neighbor's oven) several hours later at my party. I forgave her....only because the birthday cake totally rocked.
4) This is the 2nd worst prank my parents played on me. I was in college, just about to turn 19 years old, when I received a letter that looked pretty important, to be opened on my 19th birthday. I recognized the name on the envelope as the lawyer who handled my deceased grandfather's trust fund (he happened to be an old friend of the family). On my birthday, I opened the letter, which was on official letterhead, and I was stunned to read that my grandfather had left me $100,000 to be given to me on my 19th birthday....on 2 conditions....that I was in college at the time of receiving the letter and that my GPA was at least a 3.7. I almost peed in my pants....actually maybe I did...I don't quite remember. I just remember freaking out and calling my mother to tell her about it. I wasn't sure if it was real...I mean, after all, it was April Fools Day. I finally said, "Look, you must think I'm pretty stupid to think I'd fall for this...". About 10 minutes later, my phone rang and it was the LAWYER....saying the letter was real. Once I finally accepted that I was about to inherit a butt-load of money....my mother confessed and admitted that she had gotten the lawyer to go along with it (can't he be disbarred for something like that??!!) What can I say...my mother is demented. I never forgave her for this one....even though the birthday cake totally rocked. (Are you getting the sense yet that birthday cake and me, we have a special relationship....birthday cake completes me)
5) Finally, this is probably the cruelest joke of all that my parents came up with. It's an obvious fact that I don't look like anyone in my family, although I did grow up hearing that I resembled my paternal grandmother when she was younger. My sister used to joke with me that I was adopted. I never believed her, mainly because I once saw a picture of my mom when she was pregnant with me (or at least I thought it was me). On my 16th birthday (yes, my sweet 16...that's what makes this even crueler), my parents came to me and sat me down and explained that I was adopted. I remember my jaw hitting the ground...I was speechless. I waited for them to laugh and say "hahaha, just kidding" but they didn't. I didn't know what to say...it hit me hard. I honestly think the only reason my parents finally caved and told me they were playing a joke was because I was so devastated over it. I kept thinking this had to be a joke but then, really, what parent would joke about something like this? Seriously, my folks are totally twisted, sick individuals. I still haven't forgiven them for this one....but at least the birthday cake totally rocked.
As I've gotten older, it's been more difficult for them to play jokes on me so they've kind of given up....#4 and #5 have stayed with me, burned into my brain.
1) They pretended to forget my birthday one year. I went all day long thinking no one had remembered my birthday. And I was only 7 YEARS OLD, for crying outloud....how cruel and evil is that? But then again, maybe they actually did forget it was my birthday and that was their cover story...kinda convenient, don't ya think? I forgave them....only because the birthday cake totally rocked.
2) One year, my mom told me that none of my friends wanted to come to my birthday party. I cried and cried and cried...and she let me go on thinking that my friends totally sucked. Then they surprised me with a birthday party at Carvel. I forgave them....only because the ice cream cake totally rocked.
3) Living in Miami when I was younger, our home was invaded quite frequently by fire ants. If you've never heard of fire ants, be grateful. Scary creatures....and when they bite you, it feels like they're eating a hole right through your skin....the bite burns like hell. Like, why did God even create ants? I'm sure there was some purpose there but I fail to see what that is. Anyway, we often had to hide food in the oven to prevent the fire ants from seeking out refuge in our kitchen, while scarfing down all our food. One year, my mom "accidentally" left my birthday cake out on the counter and in the morning, it was covered with those freaky fire ants. I cried and cried and cried....she let me go the entire day thinking there would be no cake at my birthday party. Then to my surprise, she presented the real cake (that she had hidden in our neighbor's oven) several hours later at my party. I forgave her....only because the birthday cake totally rocked.
4) This is the 2nd worst prank my parents played on me. I was in college, just about to turn 19 years old, when I received a letter that looked pretty important, to be opened on my 19th birthday. I recognized the name on the envelope as the lawyer who handled my deceased grandfather's trust fund (he happened to be an old friend of the family). On my birthday, I opened the letter, which was on official letterhead, and I was stunned to read that my grandfather had left me $100,000 to be given to me on my 19th birthday....on 2 conditions....that I was in college at the time of receiving the letter and that my GPA was at least a 3.7. I almost peed in my pants....actually maybe I did...I don't quite remember. I just remember freaking out and calling my mother to tell her about it. I wasn't sure if it was real...I mean, after all, it was April Fools Day. I finally said, "Look, you must think I'm pretty stupid to think I'd fall for this...". About 10 minutes later, my phone rang and it was the LAWYER....saying the letter was real. Once I finally accepted that I was about to inherit a butt-load of money....my mother confessed and admitted that she had gotten the lawyer to go along with it (can't he be disbarred for something like that??!!) What can I say...my mother is demented. I never forgave her for this one....even though the birthday cake totally rocked. (Are you getting the sense yet that birthday cake and me, we have a special relationship....birthday cake completes me)
5) Finally, this is probably the cruelest joke of all that my parents came up with. It's an obvious fact that I don't look like anyone in my family, although I did grow up hearing that I resembled my paternal grandmother when she was younger. My sister used to joke with me that I was adopted. I never believed her, mainly because I once saw a picture of my mom when she was pregnant with me (or at least I thought it was me). On my 16th birthday (yes, my sweet 16...that's what makes this even crueler), my parents came to me and sat me down and explained that I was adopted. I remember my jaw hitting the ground...I was speechless. I waited for them to laugh and say "hahaha, just kidding" but they didn't. I didn't know what to say...it hit me hard. I honestly think the only reason my parents finally caved and told me they were playing a joke was because I was so devastated over it. I kept thinking this had to be a joke but then, really, what parent would joke about something like this? Seriously, my folks are totally twisted, sick individuals. I still haven't forgiven them for this one....but at least the birthday cake totally rocked.