10 ways to make a trip to the amusement park fun....or at the very least, interesting
Posted Sep 08 2009 10:33pm
1) First things first, you must blare music from High School Musical on the iPod throughout the mini-van while on the 90 minute drive to the amusement park. Nothing gets you in the mood for a good time like teeny-bopper songs. Plus, your children will be impressed that you know all the words to "What Time Is It" and "We're All in This Together". Your husband, however, will finally be convinced that you have gone off the deep end, while making a mental note to himself to make an appointment for you with the therapist (in addition to the one you already have scheduled, mind you).
2) Daddy is required to be in every picture with any and all characters seen throughout the park. Even if he protests loudly, you just tell him, "Aw, come on, honey, it's for the kids". If he continues to protest, pull him aside and you may just have to get downright ugly with him and say, "Look, buddy....you better get in that picture, you better smile and you better act happy about it. Or you'll be eating PB&J sandwiches for a whole month.....oh, and you'll be sleeping on the sofa downstairs by yourself....now, go get in the freakin picture and act happy".
3) Of course, it's always fun when you look at the various animals throughout the park. You may think you're educating your children by them seeing the animals in person, rather than just in a book.....but they're really only concerned about one thing. Bodily functions. It'll all start when one child witnesses one of the giraffes pooping all over the ground (and of course he asks you to take a picture of it and the only reason you agree is because you can see the potential for an interesting blog post)....
And then they'll stare in shock as giraffe #1 pees and giraffe #2 drinks the pee as it's coming out of giraffe #1's body. This will spark all kinds of interesting conversations, starting with things like, "Just because giraffes do it doesn't mean that humans do it....unless of course you're stuck on a stranded island and it's the only thing you have to drink in order to survive....Mommy learned that by watching Bear Grylls on TV once" and "It's acceptable for animals to poop outside on the ground...it is NOT acceptable for YOU to do it".
4) The conversation will continue as you watch the elephants. You'll say, "Wow, look....the elephants all take a bath together just like you all do". One child will say, "Yeah and I bet one of those elephants just peed in the water too, like I always do". Oh yeah, let the good times roll....
5) You'll witness what true sibling love is when one of the little ones starts crying because the lions are not awake, as he screams, "I want to see the Lion King". The older siblings will start whooping, hollering, barking like dogs, meowing like cats, making farting sounds....anything they can possibly do to wake that darn lion up (which will, in turn, shut little brother up). The lion will be unimpressed as he raises his head, looks your kids over and decides they're not worth his time and he'll go back to sleeping. You'll mumble under your breath, "It must be nice to just lay around sleeping all day".
6) At some point during your trip, your kids will make friends with other young children....probably while you're all seated in the same area eating lunch. Some of the other parents (the smart ones) will beckon for their child to get back to their table, while politely smiling at you. Other parents (the ones who have to learn their lessons the hard way) will allow their child to continue engaging in play with your children, as they all growl loudly at one another and pretend to be lions. You smile at the other parents, agreeing on how adorable all the children are playing together so nicely.....until your 2 yr old twins teach one of the other kids how to spit. Are we having fun yet? Not so much. The mom of the child who now knows how to spit, angrily whisks her kid off all in a huff. You say to your husband, "Geez, it's not like he was never gonna learn how to spit, ya know? Some people just need to chill out!" And that's when you notice that there's no one else sitting around you anymore.
7) Your husband convinces the 2-yr olds to try one of the rides...."Oh, come on....just try ONE ride and see how you like it". They agree but only if one of the older siblings and Mom or Dad ride with them. The operator of the ride says it's cool so everyone divides up.
Before picture (Daddy bending down telling the little one, "You're gonna love this")....
Both 2 yr olds completely freak out once the ride starts. The operator stops the ride and says, "Would you like to get off and I'll start the ride back up again?"
After picture (Daddy's not happy, little one's not happy but at least one of the 4-yr olds is happy....it wasn't a total loss)...
8) One of your 4-yr olds will beg you to let him take pictures of the sharks in the shark tank. You try to convince him that the pictures won't come out very well because it's dark in there and the sharks are behind very thick glass but he won't budge. He says, "Please, Mommy....can I take some pictures?" and you hand over your camera because you're a glutton for punishment. You already know where this is heading. All 25 pictures that he took look like this....
After leaving the shark tank and viewing the pictures on the camera, he has a complete meltdown. Thankfully, one of the pictures manages to come out well enough to be acceptable.....you look up toward the heavens and say, "Yeah, yeah, yeah....I know.....I owe you one".
9) As the kids are waiting to go on the safari truck ride (the 2 yr olds loved this one, incidentally), you witness a wrestling match between two tortoises, who live inside the pen in the middle of the ride. The kids think this is the most entertaining thing they've seen all day. It's even better than the giraffe pee/poop incident. However, they're a tad disappointed when the fight doesn't result in either turtle dripping blood....you know, because a fight isn't considered a truly GOOD fight unless someone is spewing blood from any given orifice.
10) Finally, no trip to an amusement park is ever complete until everyone's eaten enough cotton candy to the point where their tongues are stained blue for a minimum of 1 hour......and a sugar high to last for the rest of the trip.