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The LYS Who Shall Not Be Named...

Posted Nov 20 2009 10:01pm

Okay, I am irked. And you tell me if I was out of line.....

I'm on a Kauni kick and I want to take some with me on my trip to Texas & Louisiana. I want to start another cardigan, in a completely different color scheme than the one I just finished. And although I have plenty of the EQ (the multi-colored colorway), I want to use a completely different colorway--- for a completely different type cardigan. Since I have a lot of the color ET, the purple/black/grey one, I decided on that. But I wasn't sure I had enough.

There's a local LYS near here, in Olathe, and they are the only one of the three LYS's in this area that carries Kauni, albeit their stock of colors is limited. So I went down there to look for what I needed. The reason I knew they had Kauni is that I had bought some of the EQ there recently on a yarn-petting venture.

So I went back to them, looking for the ET color. They didn't have any ET, but they did have a couple of skeins of a similar colorway, one which is black/light gray/dark gray. So I grabbed a skein of that, intending to use it for the cardigan's ribbing, buttonbands, and collar.

And then, once I got home, I got to thinking--- like I usually do when I get home from an LYS---and I decided I wanted one more skein of the yarn for "insurance", to ensure, without a shadow of a doubt, that I'd have enough yarn to finish the sweater. I frequently buy too much yarn for my projects but I figure it's better to be safe than sorry, right? And I knew that the LYS had one more skein of that colorway.

And I felt a little urgent about it since there was only one more skein of that color left at the LYS; thus, I wanted to hurry up and grab that skein before it was bought by somebody else. And furthermore, I remembered that Blaine was going down that way in a little while to take his niece to a volleyball game. So I decided I would ask him to stop by the LYS to pick up the skein.

And here is where I made my first mistake.

I called the LYS.

When a lady answered, I asked if she would set aside that particular skein of the Kauni for me, while explaining that I would send Blaine to get it. She said okay.

Then..... I made my second mistake.

I realized that, having been to that LYS recently, buying yarn that Blaine knew nothing about--- (I had hidden it in the Magical Closet)--- that if Blaine went there he might.... er... find out about the fact that I had been there recently buying bunches of yarn that he knew nothing about. And Blaine tends to harp loudly and endlessly about how I have "too much yarn" and that I "waste entirely too much money" on adding to my ever-growing stash--- and I really wanted to avoid such soliloquies....

Ergo.... I didn't want the LYS to blow my cover. Surely you can see what I mean? One wrong word to Blaine in there and the jig would be up. I wanted Blaine to think that the yarn skein he was picking up for me was just a lone skein that I needed to finish a project--- and not part of a greater Kauni conspiracy.

So I jokingly requested the following of the lady who answered the phone:

"Hey... uh.... I know this sounds crazy... but... uh... when Blaine comes in there to pick up that skein of Kauni, could you.... uh.... heh....could you kind of NOT mention to him that I've been in there lately, buying some other Kauni yarn?"

And then there was a long, silent pause on the other end of the phone.

I wondered if the lady had accidentally hung up the phone.

So I repeated myself.

"Um... you know.... it's just that he nags me a lot about buying too much yarn, ya know what I mean? And ...uh.... I sometimes buy yarn and .... and.... I hide it. You know the score... where you hide the yarn somewhere and just pull it out later--- like it's been there all along? And then he's none the wiser, thinking the yarn was old yarn? You know?.... huh? know what I mean?"

But the blasted woman STILL wouldn't say anything!

"Are you still there?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm here," she replied in a snotty voice. "But if he asks me straight out, I am NOT going to lie to him."


What kind of sanctimonious idgit was this? Is she mad? Doesn't she know that approximately 45% of yarn sales in the United States of America are bought on the sly--- hidden from husbands who nag a woman about buying too much yarn? Hell, a hateful turncoat like her could ruin it for the rest of us stealth-yarn-buyers!

And for crying out loud, all I meant was for her to NOT OFFER the information that I'd been there recently. It wasn't like I was asking her to lie under oath, under penalty of perjury, to a Clinton-esqe Congressional Impeachment Hearing, if you know what I mean.

("No, Your Honors, I did not sell yarn to THAT WOMAN!!)

I was so mad that I decided to take the bull by the horn.

I hopped into the pickup truck and blasted my way down to see this stupid, traitor LYS woman, completely forgetting that I was wearing sloppy, raggedy sweat pants and a "Hooters" sweatshirt. When I arrived at the LYS I strode in, picked up the skein of Kauni, and then went to pay. There was a smiling lady at the cash register.

"Are you the lady I spoke to on the phone about the Kauni?" I asked.

"Um.... was somebody else," she replied, somewhat uncomfortably.

"Well then, let me tell you that she was entirely RUDE to me," I exclaimed. "And because of her I don't think I'm ever coming back here!"

And then the lady lowered her voice, obviously in an attempt to keep a group of nearby employees from hearing (but I know they heard anyway), and she replied, very sincerely: "Truly.... I am sooooo sorry about that...."

So I paid for my Kauni and politely bid her goodbye.

(I was hoping she'd say something else so I could yell: "I SAID GOODBYE!" a la Fez in the TV show "That 70's Show" , but she didn't.)

(But I have always wanted to use that line....)

Well.... so now I can't go back there because I threatened to never go back because of that rude woman. I don't care. I can order any color and any amount of Kauni anytime I want from Astrid, although I'd have to pay shipping for it, which is kind of a downer but I'll sacrifice. And for all other kinds of yarns there are two way better LYS's around here that have a much wider selection of all other yarns--- and nicer employees.

So HHHMPH on her!

Hey.....I've got an idea! Remember that "Seinfeld" episode where Elaine was treated rudely in a store? She then went to a rival store, bought a bunch of their stuff, and then went back to the original store and pranced around outside their windows, holding up all the stuff she bought, in order to gloat to them about how much money they "lost" by irritating her.

So that's it! I'll go to Yarn Barn in Lawrence, buy a bunch of Cascade 220, and then return to the Olathe LYS where I'll wave all the Cascade 220 over my head in front of their windows, yelling taunting epithets like: "See how much yarn I bought from a NICE LYS? See how much business you lost, Rude Woman? A pox on you!!"


Well, it was just a thought....


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