First off the bat let me just state that I never had and never would, steal drugs from work. I know a large number of people who do: from paracetamol to diazepam to zopiclone to diclofenac to cyclizine to flucoxicililn. I think they're bloody stupid. If you are genuinely experiencing a symptom and need a medication to help ease that, then you can that medication from your GP. Simple as. Helping yourself is dishonest and illegal, and could be the end of your career. Why bother?
My problem at the moment is, I need analgesia for the pain my hand is giving me. I am unable to take paracetamol without automatically throwing it back up - Its some wierd kind of psychological reflex I have developed, obviously related to my past misdemeanours, but its like, as soon as I have swallowed them my body enters some kind of panic mode and has to rid the body of such threatening drugs.
[random aside: I wish it would do that with food -- reject anything that I'd eaten prior to landing in casualty]
So I have some low dose opiod analgesia and an anti-inflammatory. Following the advice of 2 friends who work in trauma and orthopedics, I am taking my NSAID religiously, as prescribed. Apparently the more my hand swells, the more painful it will be and moving the fingers becomes more difficult. My prescribed dose is at the maximum reccommended dose in the BNF.
It is the opiod drug that I am concerned with: initially I had no pain; so I took none. Then a day after surgery, the pain hit me, WHAM, at full force. It was prescribed as dose and frequency variable. I think perhaps this is wherin I made my initial error; but I commenced on it at the highest prescribed dose, as often as allowed. The warning signs were there, when I was awake I was awake (by which I mean not drowsy) but I suddenly began having 3 sleeps a day, spending up to 16hrs a day in bed. Rather than think 'oh, perhaps I'm overdoing it a bit on the opiod, and thats why I am so sleepy all of a sudden'; I put it down to depression: I can't work (because I can't wash my hands), I can't go to the gym (they're not covered from an insurance point of view), and my socialising is wilting anyway because I'm broke and its freezing. Therefore, I concluded I was sleeping to pass the time. To an extent, I suspect my low mood contributed to me commencing on the high doses - it did occcur to me that they might cheer me up a bit.
And then the inevitable occured: somewhere along the way (all 3 weeks of it) I developed tolerance. I was taking as much as I could, but I was still in pain. Aside from the shame of being a wimp (on painkillers and still in pain) I reasoned with myself that if I was still in pain, having more wouldn't be a problem. So I dug out another opiod drug I had been prescribed some time ago (but had saved the remaining tablets for an episode like this) and began to take that adjascent to the other painkiller.
Technically, I am not 'overdosing', as I am taking the maximum dose of 2 opiod containing drugs. I am in no pain. I am sleeping my days away (to the extent where I don't even get out of my pj's some days which is severe for me'). But I am also having hallucinations, luridly colourful happy dreams, and disturbed sleep.
I can stay awake for 4-6 hrs at a time, and then they kick in. It is when I am falling off to sleep, or when I am just waking up, that I am hallucinating. The first time scared me rigid: I could see dead children all over my room. Since then, they have tended to be rather nice. Every morning I discuss the days plan with my new friend, a wee leprecaun that sits on my right shoulder. Even at the time, deep down I know he can't really be there. But yet strangely, he is. Another frequent visitor is Iggle Piggle from the childrens TV show 'in the night garden'. On TV, he can only say "Iggle Piggle" but when he's lying next to me in bed (in an innocent way, oh please) we put the world to rights.
I know its bad. The swelling in my hand has gone down loads, I can tell; which suggests I can ease off on both the NSAID and the analgesics. But I am quite enjoying it.
My problem at the moment is, I need analgesia for the pain my hand is giving me. I am unable to take paracetamol without automatically throwing it back up - Its some wierd kind of psychological reflex I have developed, obviously related to my past misdemeanours, but its like, as soon as I have swallowed them my body enters some kind of panic mode and has to rid the body of such threatening drugs.
[random aside: I wish it would do that with food -- reject anything that I'd eaten prior to landing in casualty]
So I have some low dose opiod analgesia and an anti-inflammatory. Following the advice of 2 friends who work in trauma and orthopedics, I am taking my NSAID religiously, as prescribed. Apparently the more my hand swells, the more painful it will be and moving the fingers becomes more difficult. My prescribed dose is at the maximum reccommended dose in the BNF.
It is the opiod drug that I am concerned with: initially I had no pain; so I took none. Then a day after surgery, the pain hit me, WHAM, at full force. It was prescribed as dose and frequency variable. I think perhaps this is wherin I made my initial error; but I commenced on it at the highest prescribed dose, as often as allowed. The warning signs were there, when I was awake I was awake (by which I mean not drowsy) but I suddenly began having 3 sleeps a day, spending up to 16hrs a day in bed. Rather than think 'oh, perhaps I'm overdoing it a bit on the opiod, and thats why I am so sleepy all of a sudden'; I put it down to depression: I can't work (because I can't wash my hands), I can't go to the gym (they're not covered from an insurance point of view), and my socialising is wilting anyway because I'm broke and its freezing. Therefore, I concluded I was sleeping to pass the time. To an extent, I suspect my low mood contributed to me commencing on the high doses - it did occcur to me that they might cheer me up a bit.
And then the inevitable occured: somewhere along the way (all 3 weeks of it) I developed tolerance. I was taking as much as I could, but I was still in pain. Aside from the shame of being a wimp (on painkillers and still in pain) I reasoned with myself that if I was still in pain, having more wouldn't be a problem. So I dug out another opiod drug I had been prescribed some time ago (but had saved the remaining tablets for an episode like this) and began to take that adjascent to the other painkiller.
Technically, I am not 'overdosing', as I am taking the maximum dose of 2 opiod containing drugs. I am in no pain. I am sleeping my days away (to the extent where I don't even get out of my pj's some days which is severe for me'). But I am also having hallucinations, luridly colourful happy dreams, and disturbed sleep.
I can stay awake for 4-6 hrs at a time, and then they kick in. It is when I am falling off to sleep, or when I am just waking up, that I am hallucinating. The first time scared me rigid: I could see dead children all over my room. Since then, they have tended to be rather nice. Every morning I discuss the days plan with my new friend, a wee leprecaun that sits on my right shoulder. Even at the time, deep down I know he can't really be there. But yet strangely, he is. Another frequent visitor is Iggle Piggle from the childrens TV show 'in the night garden'. On TV, he can only say "Iggle Piggle" but when he's lying next to me in bed (in an innocent way, oh please) we put the world to rights.
I know its bad. The swelling in my hand has gone down loads, I can tell; which suggests I can ease off on both the NSAID and the analgesics. But I am quite enjoying it.