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Please, somebody make themselves available to listen because I really need to talk

Posted Sep 02 2009 7:29pm
I feel like I really need to talk to somebody about what been happening recently i.e. the rampiril the deliberate DKA. But my attempts of getting hold of anybody have been fruitless:

When I moved into my first house at end of Jan this year its on the other side of the city so I changed GP's. I really miss the nurse practitioner from my old GP's. MY new one is huge, I've been 3 times I think and seen someone different everytime. They know I'm on prozac but I think thats about all they know. So I don't feel at all comfortable rocking up there and spilling my innards to a stranger.

The person I would really like to see is brilliant diabetic nurse. Unfortunately she's on term time hours, but knowing that things were sliding somewhat, and predicting that a talk with her would be a GOOD THING I kept ringing the diabetes centre to try and get an appointment with her for when she's back, until they told me she was fully booked until December. I'm sure that if I can talk to her directly on the phone for a couple of minutes, she'll manage to fit me in at the end of a clinic or somewhere. She's really good like that; she knows my entire physical and mental health history, she won't let me hang on til December. But since she's not actually back yet. no joy. Its September - surely schools go back very soon?

I last saw the pump nurse in mid June. I had another appointment with her for mid july, but when I got there it had been cancelled because she was off sick. They said she was going to be off for a while. I pressed for another appointment because in the absence of brilliant diabetic nurse I do know her quite well now, and I am generally honest with her. I was given Sept 15th. That feels like a LONG TIME AWAY. Thankfully I know she is back working because the doctors on the ward called her when I was in last week.

And as for Dr F . . . I saw him at the end of June, shortly after I had collapsed on the way to a bank shift and ended up in A+E and he gave me promazine and said he would see me again in 2 weeks. But then cancelled because he had accidentally double booked. I received a new appointment in the post which I missed and so received another appointment which I also failed to turn up for without telling them. Perhaps a little naively I assumed another one would arrive through the letterbox; but after a while when no such letter materialised I realised I had probably been crossed off the list. I called his secretary at the start of August to try and beg another appointment out of her; but she was sick for 2 weeks and then I was away. I called again last Monday (the day before I ended up being admitted) and now she's on holiday for 2 weeks. The main receptionist and the other secretary she share an office with have both dutifully promised to pass on my message that I would like an appointment, but when it does come through god only knows when it will be for.
He has a direct line; but I shouldn't have access to that number. I could find it out through work [even though mental health is covered by a different nhs trust; because we are on the same site he'll be listed in our directory] but what exactly am I supposed to say? "hi Dr F, its Crazy Nurse here, I stalked down your number on the intranet soon. I know I DNA'd our last two appointments but things have deteriorated since then and I would like to see you very soon please"

The more I ruminate over last weeks events, the more serious it seems to me. I genuinely don't know if really, I am mentally well enough to be working or not. I stress myself out about NOT BEING OFF SICK, but my health is more important, right?

The only other thought to cross my mind was to go and see my matron and tell her the truth. My worry here is that it would be a case of being a little too honest, that she would totally freak and frogmarch me down to A+E to see psych liason. I really don't know what to do. I haven't even told my two closest friends, who know quite a lot, about this. They know I was admitted, but not why.

Thats all I have to say. Its now 04:14 (random aside: how do I get GMT times on my posts and comments?) and I have to get on public transport at 06:28 to make it to a study day at another hospital. I am off to power nap.

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