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It's been a long long time . . .

Posted Nov 13 2009 10:03pm
Wow. It's been 9 weeks since I last posted. It feels like that long, it feels longer.

The great news is my lack of postage is because I have been out and about, living my life, and enjoying it.

Referring to my last post; I did indeed go back to work on the Monday (Sept 14th) I was only in for two days, as on the Wednesday morning had my third and final appointment with the crisis team psychologist, which I will write about in detail on my next post. Fascinating stuff. Then on Wednesday afternoon I travelled south for my friends wedding. I was the bridesmaid. I'm sure I must of mentioned it before on here. Anyway, yeah, it was a stressful couple of days pre-wedding but the everything was sorted in time for the big day and she had an amazing time, as did I. I got drunk of Champagne which is curious since on the rare occasions prior to this that I've had to have a glass, I've not really liked the taste.

Back into work the following week; only for three days: as Thurs and Fri 24th and 25th Sept were my uni induction days. There is a very small number of us doing the course, all currently employed in the NHS. Nurses, midwife, radiologist, ambulance crew, OT's - a real mixed bag. To me that makes it even better, as there are a lot of different perspectives on the same scenario. There are only a couple of us doing it part time, the rest doing it full time over a year. In hindsight I wish I had done the same but thats a ramble for another time.

The following two weeks I was in uni solidly. The course has 3 research modules where you go off and do your own thing; and 3 taught modules. The taught modules are generally composed of one or two weeks of lectures and then you go off and do your reading and submit essays; so its still massively self directed.

So I spent two weeks in uni, and then I flew to India on October 10th.

Let me tangent off for a minute about holidays. I am ridiculously crap in hot conditions. The last time I had a beach holiday was in the summer of 2002, just before I started university to do my nurse training. I spent a week in Gran Canaria with two mates. I spent the whole time wilting in the heat, whinging that it was too hot, pissing them off and in the end pissing myself off too. I learnt my lesson. No more sun for me. Since then the few holidays I have taken have been spent either in a European city, or whooshing down the alps on my skis. But my friend, the one who just got married, was marrying a guy from an Indian family and so they were also having an Indian wedding. There was no way on the earth I wasn't going to be there, so as soon as she told me I prepared myself for a hot holiday in the Indian Summer.

I went for two weeks. The first week we (me and her man of honour) travelled round the Golden Triangle of North India - Delhi, Jaipur, Agra. Then the second week we flew south for her wedding.

I worked out that the last time I had a two week holiday was 10 years ago, when I went to California with my parents. I was 17 at the time, initially I wasn't going to go as they had planned the trip for their 25th wedding anniversary. But then I got hit by a car and ended up dropping out of my A-Levels, with a plan to start them again the following September. So out of sorrow, they re-invited me, and out of self-pity, I accepted. Sorry, I lose my train of thought. My point is, the second week makes all the difference. Really made it seem like a holiday. I had a fantastic time, truly forgot about work or uni or mentalness; just enjoyed myself. Truly amazing time. Didn't facebook, read a blog, nothing - for two weeks. It was liberating.

So by the time I did return back to work on Monday 26th Oct I had actually had four weeks off! And the previous two weeks before that I had worked a sum total of 5 days. And, got paid for it all!!! It wasn't as bad as I had imagined it to be. The place was much the same, the people were much the same. No one new, on one had left, no dramatic changes; not that I was expecting any.

I am now working 3 days a week, with 2 days study leave and two days off a week. I have been rigid about only working extra bank shifts on the days off or extensions of shifts I am already working; so that I am still having two days a week to do my work for uni. There is a lot of it, but at least its stuff I am interested in. I bough a fancy corner desk and sorted out my wireless, so the office is up and running.

I am still waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist in the hospital where I am now being treated. The crisis team psychologist also referred me for CBT and I am still waiting for an appointment for this. Thinking about it, its been like 6 weeks now. I have inspired myself to give them a ring and see what the deal is.

My blood sugars are brilliant, well for me. I haven't deliberately omitted insulin or had a (large) sugar binge in over 2 months. I am sleeping well, I am eating well. I am being disturbingly inactive. I didn't go to the gym for two weeks after I came back from India. Combined with the two weeks I was in India; effectively I may just as well have burnt my membership fee that month. I have got a little bigger. And while it does bother me, and I am fully intending to loose it again before Christmas, I took the decision that getting my presentation and essay finished were higher priorities. It was me who went ahead and did not go for a run for a month. Its only now I can see it, but getting onto this course has really boosted my confidence, I feel like while yes, I would like to be thinner, thats for me, to please myself. I feel accepted by my course mates, my friends and my collegues. They don't mind that I am a little bigger. To them I still have the same worth. So I can deal with my size in my own mind for now, because I believe I have done the right thing.

My crap arsed GP's wouldn't give it me my fluoxitine on repeat prescription without seeing a doctor for a medication review; and then wouldn't give me said review for a week and a half; so I had a hideous five days where I went cold turkey from 60mg to no fluoxitine, and got some nasty gastro side effects. Then I recommenced straight away on 60mg and experienced more nasty side effects. Seriously, they were the most rancid smelling burps I have ever known. Attractive. But I seem to be back to normal now. Sorry body.

I am way behind in blog land. The only person I have caught up with since I came back from India is Lola - and much love to you hun.

The rota for December is out. I am working Christmas eve and day; but got new years off. I can live with that.

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