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Conversation Between Bo and Blaine The Night Before Leaving For a Vacation in Texas to Celebrate the 4th of July At Bo's Mother'

Posted Jul 02 2009 9:39pm

*Blaine (sitting at the computer, thinking he is so smart):"Okay, Bo, I've printed out 4 different Yahoo Maps for the various routes we could take to your mother's house in Texas...."

Bo (tired after scrubbing, for the umpteenth time, the ring-around-the-bathtub in Blaine's bathroom):"Did you finish the laundry? I've vaccumed the entire house, cleaned the bathrooms, and mopped the kitchen floor---I definitely DO NOT want to come back toa dirty house...."

Blaine (still jazzed about his computer adventures):"Not yet, kitten, I've still got the towels and the linens to wash. You did strip the bed linens, didn't you?"

Bo (looking at Blaine with the "death look"):"Yes, I did, Mr. Smarty-Pants. And may I add that your side of the bed looked quite dingy? I think you need toquit smoking---it's leaking out of your pores."

Blaine (laughing heartily, not realizing the danger he is dancing towards):"Quit smoking? Yeah RIGHT, Miss Priss! Why should I quit my bad "bed habits" when you won't quit yours? For example, I'm damn tired of your habitual snacking in bed at night---I actually find FOOD in the bed sometimes!"

Bo (suddenly remembering...): "Oh, piffle! That stray saltine cracker wasan... an accident."

Blaine (guffawing....and Bo never likes it when Blaine guffaws...):"Stray saltine cracker? Hell Bo, I've wokenup on top of heavily buttered and jellied English muffins before!"

Bo (thinking to herself) :"....and the strange thing was, that poor little saltine cracker wasn't even broken. Huh. I must have slept like the dead that night..."

Blaine (still stupidly happy about his stupid computer maps):"Okay, like I said, I've got several maps printed out. Iwant you to look at them so we can decide which route to take. On one route it's a straight shot down a State highway---but it winds all over the place, wasting about 3 hours of driving time going through National Parks and crap. But the other route---the one my buddy at work clued me in about--- is a more complicated route... but you get there quicker. You simply go down Highway 48 down through an Indian Reservation in Oklahoma, and then you make a detour at some place called 'Broken Arrow'.... or was it 'Little Big Horn?'..."

Bo (losing patience and sighing heavily):"Listen, you idgit. The whole state of Oklahoma is an Indian Reservation! Why can't we stay on the damn Interstate? I don't want to go wandering down to Texas on a bunch of little-known back roads and camping trails that turn into dirt roads! We'll get lost for sure!"

Blaine (saying typical male "famous last words"):"Don't worry about it, hon, I've got it ALL UNDER CONTROL...."

Bo (REALLY losing patience now, since she can NEVER understand the American male's penchant for leaving the safe and straight Interstate Highway for the lure of "shorter" back roads, even though every damn time Blaine has left the Interstate he has screwed up the whole trip and they arrived at their destination 8 hours late and with 2 new dents on the vehicle...):"Under control? I'm not kidding here, Blaine! Most of Oklahoma is Indian Territory---a lot of them Cherokee. And they don't take kindly to stupid tourists acting like idiots ontheir land!"

Blaine (again stupidly--- but this time stupidly confident):"But why should we worry, sweet potato? Your great-great-grandmother was a full-blooded Cherokee Indian--- and thus you are legally part of the Cherokee Nation. Hell, you've got the ID card to prove it! If we got lost or something, all you'd have to do is show your Cherokee Nation identification card and somebody would have to help us, right?"

Bo (suddenly TOTALLY repentent and sorry that she had carelessly changed purses last month---and had unfortunately not bothered to second check all the stray pieces of papers that she had left behind in the old purse---all because she had switched the bags impatiently because the old purse was an outdated Dooney & Bourke and she was anxious to sashay her sassy little self around Overland Park with her new Juicy Couture bag---the one with the 70's style "Peace Sign" on it...):"What do you think---that it's like a damn YMCA membership? I lOST THE DADGUM CARD YEARS AGO, STOOGE! And I'm blonde! Do I look like a dang Cherokee Indian to YOU?"

Blaine:"Okay, okay. Don't get excited, puddin'. Just look at the maps I've printed out from the computer. They're very explicit about the routes to take through the not-so-populated areas. We'll be fine."

Bo:"Yeah right, Blaine. That's what the two idiots said in the movie "Children of the Corn"....."

Blaine:(unable to speak due to hysterical laughing....)

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