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When the Spark Fades

Posted Aug 06 2009 4:57pm

When I started this blog ages ago, I promised to be honest and sincere about life with M.S.  – all of it.  I threw my heart and soul into my writing – not only to help others, but also as a method of therapy as I adjusted to this new life. 

Today, as I sit in front of my laptop, just three months shy of my two year anniversary of my official diagnosis, re-reading stories and comments (as suggested by my 17-year-old stepdaughter), I’ve realized just how immersed I’ve become in a life with M.S.  I haven’t written much lately, not only because I’ve been busy, but because I’m going through some major life changes that are a little too private to write about on the blog.  The changes may be tied to this immersion into a life with M.S.  or might not.  Now it’s time to immerse myself into finding the answer to that question and a few others.  

A long time ago, right when I was first diagnosed, I “took a day off from MS” to remember everything else in the world.  I think it’s time to do that again, but perhaps for an extended hiatus.  While the Sun isn’t shining brightly, it’s still there, but I’m wondering if I let M.S. take so much control that some of the spark has faded; perhaps always so fearful of what tomorrow might hold that I shyed away from living today just in case.   Maybe it was all the life stressors that are written about throughout these virtual pages.  Maybe it’s a combination of both. 

Regardless, I’m entering a time of re-evaluation and introspection that will likely preclude me from sharing my new stories until such a time that I can honestly and openly share with all our loyal readers.  To do anything less would be a complete farce and a dishonor to this special place that has been shared with people from throughout the world.

In the meantime, Sunshine and Moonlight remains here, because every day hundreds of new people visit the site to learn about life with MS, especially the newly diagnosed.  If you’re one of those new people and have reached this somber-toned article, just realize it’s part of a 21-month journey that continues.  You’ll find lots of laughter and heartwarming tales inside and hopefully a little help and guidance along the way.

For those loyal friends and supporters, when you look up to the Sun, hold a good thought for me as I try to find a new path and direction that hopefully leads me back to a place that many once loved and wanted to be a part of.

Be well all my friends and I shall return when I can,

Sunshine


Posted in Life with M.S. Tagged: M.S., Multiple sclerosis
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