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Tragedy Strikes Idiot Proof Garden

Posted Jun 13 2009 12:39am
Don't tell me something is idiot proof before I've gotten the opportunity to prove it otherwise! Yeah, I can idiot up things with the best of them. So my storage tub garden grew. And it grew. And man did it grow! I had no idea when I pirated this information off line both from another pirate, and from the official manufacturers web page, that these damn things would work so well! They are huge! There in lies the problem.

Bigger things usually do weigh more. Trucks weigh more than cars, elephants more than mice. Even people follow this rule. I'm 6'5" and weigh about 300 pounds. My father is a little wisp of a man, 5'7 and 3/4" weighing in at a whopping 160.(He weighed 118 when I was born) So why did these plants get so big? I th ink it must be that I grew them perfectly! What else could it be? Sure, maybe they all get that big, but mine are bigger! Bigger means heavier Jug. Oh yeah, any idiot knows that, or at least most of them.

My July 3rd post showed how much they had grown from the June 3rd sowing, well not sowing since I didn't plant seeds, but just work with me. Between July 3rd and yesterday, the tomatoes were close to 7 feet tall and the green peppers were almost 6. Yep, farm livin is the life for me! I go out each day and water, make sure they are staked up and supported, and stand for a few minutes with my hands on my hips saying, "Yep!"

I was laying in bed last night, of course I was laying, come on, I am house broken! Anyway, I'm laying there listening to one hell of a storm! The light show that went along with it was quite impressive too. As I lay there I could have sworn I heard a loud sigh from beneath my window? I hoped my babies are OK? You raise them and you hope they are ready for the real world. The weight. Had I calculated the weight? I will have to make adjustments for the size and weight o f all the fruit on the vine. I was going to run out and check, but the wife reminded me of the weather and the fact that it would like a scene from the "Shawshank Redemption" if I went out now.

I spent many a restless night in the stir, OK, enough of the movie references. Let's just say I would have been up all night if it weren't for the dose of Ambien I took to in hopes of the constantly cycling cramps in my legs fading away into a drug induced slumber. Back to my babies! So I get up this morning, a bonus right there, but I need to go check my fruit. Are tomatoes fruits or veggies? Aren't they fruit so the government can tax them? Try taxing these! Back to my babies!

As I turned the corner past the saw grass, past the claw foot bath tub, my worst fears, any parents were realized. My plants had gotten so big they had actually collapsed under their own weight. My 7 foot tomatoes were now 3 foot. My 6 foot peppers were down to 4 foot, and had actually lost a branch. As you can see, I lost some very young green peppers. How could I have not calculated in the weight? So much for idiot proof! I still have tons of tomatoes and peppers, but I will lose a bunch due to lack of sun. Next year I'm going to buy a welder and make a steal arbor or trellis. I give this method an A+! It is a great way to grow if you have limited space, ability, or mobility.
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