WHY DID I GET STUBBORN???? I took a risk recently and did not tell ANYONE for fear that it would back fire and I'd get hurt again only to discover that my stubborn streak is the only thing I should really fear....
What did I do? (yep, still hear ya'll thinking)
I reached out to that friend I mentioned.
I did not do it in an obvious hey how are you kind of way, I did it stealth like so that if she did not respond I wouldn't have to admit to failure.
I wrote HER a note in our reunion booklet.
Addressed it to her alone and told her that I loved her. *the info book said to write neatly as they planned on photocopying the pages into a booklet*
Now that in itself is not so scary because she could have read it and moved on....she could have pretended not to see it or pretended to have no way to contact me. (I filled the whole form out including address, phone number and e-mail address.) I had tried to find her phone number but it's not listed because her husband is a Dr. and they should have some privacy....so unless she reached out all would be lost.
Or I could pour my heart out to the lady working his front desk and hope that she would pass along my looney message to the Doctor's wife...yea right. Like I'd be brave enough to actually call HIS OFFICE....should have....she would have answered the phone because she's running his office.
The irony of this is not lost on me.
Guess what happened???
Remember that this weekend is the big ole 20th reunion? Last night was the informal cocktail party where apparently the booklets were already available and she bought one and saw my message...my suitable plea for her to contact me.And she went right home after the party and e-mailed me a heartfelt howdy do.
Really!! I was so excited I almost puked. And nervous....what if she pointed out that I suck at being a good friend?Told me something I never realized....I was High School to her.
Stubborn mule that I am I never realized I had hurt her and imagine this: she missed me too.Man I can be a fool.....here I'd felt all sorry for myself, she'd felt all sorry for herself and we, yes we, lost out.
Years lost.But now I can offer her more than I could have before because I am much healthier to know. No longer selfish and needy I can actually connect to others.
(Lord help me connect.)I have been holding my breath since I sent in my reply to the High School Reunion. Hoping to re-connect to a few souls that I really, truly treasure and love.
It's a red letter day!Naturally I did include my journal link and hope that maybe she will find her way here but for now I've taken tentative steps to rebuilding a friendship.Man it's scary.If I drank here's where I'd need a beer.But since I pray that is what I'll do.Balm for my tired soul.
I feel like I've gone home again and guess what else, they did not tear down my childhood home after all.....there it is in my heart of hearts.