I am a Mother of 3, Married for many years, I suffer from Multiple Sclerosis, Chron's and Fibromyalgia. In other words, I live with a lot of pain and symptoms. I have always lived my life with the attitude of being in control. Drinking and Drugs makes you not in control, therefore, I don't do it.
After many years of taking lots of medications to try to subside some of the symptoms, and still not getting much relief. I started wondering if Marijuana would do anything for me. I have read about the benefits in all the medical magazines that fill up my mailbox daily. Even after reading all those articles, still did not seem right for me. I spend half of my life daily telling my kids (2 teenagers and 1 just on the verge of becoming one) not to drink or do drugs. Sound Familiar??
About two weeks ago, after many days of not sleeping (insomnia) and so much pain. Pain, to the point of bringing tears to my eyes. Causing me to make the conscious decisions to double up on medications and when that didn't give me any relief, I drank a half bottle of Nyquil and Tylenol PM's. Still, with no relief, I made a call to a friend that brought me some marijuana over to try. Did I happen to say that not only do I have 3 teenagers, I also have a Husband that is a Cop.
I gave it a shot and after 3 days of no sleep and tremendous pain, I slept 13 hours straight with minimal pain. So of course, when the pains returned the next day I tried it again and most of all pain was taken away. WOW, I thought. Now, starting to get some understanding why so many people use it but also why so many people with diseases get relief from it. It has been two weeks and 3 days now, that I have been using it. My husband, at first and most of the first two weeks, didn't talk to me very much. I believe he feels like he is put on the spot. My oldest child who is 18, knows and even though she doesn't use it herself, she kept me understanding, that if I am getting relief and able to do more each day, that maybe I should keep using and eventually my Husband would understand.
Over the last two weeks, I have been able to decide how to use it. I can use it for the pain relief, so that I can sleep, Or ironically, I can use it to give me pain relief and able to do more things during the day. I found that when the pain was relieved, instead of relaxing and enjoying the pain relief, I wanted to do more things. Clean, be apart of the family, paperwork, exercise, etc... I thought to myself, this is odd. I always believed that if only just an hour of pain relief... I would be so happy and gain enough strength to keep going. Well, I have the pain relief and I love it. Some days I still have more pain, and I am stuck with a choice of taking all the pills and lay in bed, wishing for sleep and/or relief OR take it in my own hands and use the Marijuana to help.
In my head I am constantly trying to convince myself that it is ok to use this. It is medically helping me to have and enjoy life more. At the same time, I still fight the years of believing how it is still a Drug. I have never done drugs or drink for that fact. "This is Wrong"!!! But, what is so wrong??? It is giving me relief from SEVERE PAIN and I am able to do more. I am a part of my family now.
Last night my Eleven year old, said.... "Mom, I know you are in pain today". I asked how can you tell? He said, "that he can see the change in me, he can see the pain". I asked, What do you mean? He said that for "the last 2 weeks, he could see that I wasn't in so much pain and that he hopes my Doctor will keep me on the new medicine, because it is working". I then looked at him and asked, what changes have you seen in me? He answered "you used to be crabby and stuck in bed all the time and now you are up and moving around. And you seem Happy". Wow, I reasked him, when did you start noticing the changes? He said "the last 2 weeks." So then I asked, How do you feel about the changes in me? He said " Happy, because I get to see you more and happy that you aren't in pain"
That hit me like a brick wall. I felt so bad that he has felt this way about me but also,I have been keeping a journal throughout the last 2 weeks and 3 days of the pain, sleep, and the medications. I normally take, on average, 50+ pills a day to try to help with the diseases. I also take vitamins and Tylenol PM and Nyquil on my really bad days. As of the last 3 days. I am only having to take about 8 pills a day. I think I may have reached my answer to "THE DILEMMA". How many of you don't try it or use it because of being a parent or drug tests at work? More to come... I am going to explain the changes in detail in my next Blog.... Insight :
-The feelings in my body (hands, feet, etc..) that has been lost for a long time.
- Do I tell the Doctor's at my appointment or Keep it a Secret?
- The Pain Relief?
- How Life has been since using and now the Decision... To Continue to Use or Not?