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I haven't even started the steroids yet

Posted Apr 17 2009 12:30am
Well, small relapse and time for a very short stint of steroids. I haven't even started them yet but I'm already finding myself lost in transcendental reality. It must be the tiredness or the long week. It could just be too much time in my own little world but I have a million random things running through my mind. What's up with facebook? Ever since I set up a profile, people have started sending me messages in places I can't find and things that I am confused by. I don't think I know the ettiquette. Do I send something back? Do I respond to things on my "wall?" There's like this whole other world out there that I just don't understand. Maybe when I finish the steroids and get some rest it will all make sense. If not, oh well.

Not a bad week. I was very busy with work. I just got home from parent/teacher conferences and I called in for tomorrow so now I have a long weekend to look forward to. There are a bunch of things I would like to do but first I will rest and care for my health.

My lastest exacerbation started on Monday with blurry vision and dizziness. Throughout the week, this has continued off and on but I only threw up once so I can't complain. I have felt far worse than this before and now I can tell when something is not right in my body. I waited four days to call my doctor but today I decided it was time to call so I could get started on some steroids before I got any sicker. He ordered me a very small dose of prednisone and I hope to be all better by Monday. He also told me that I have mild asthma and I can pick up an inhaler tomorrow. I am looking forward to trying it out to see if it helps me breathe more comfortably. I am also hoping that with more oxygen I won't get tired out so easily.

Even with these little inconveniences, I am feeling sort of excited and happy. The anniversary of my diagnosis is one week from today and I want to celebrate. I want to celebrate because of the positive ways in which MS has changed my life. It has really slowed me down. It has showed me what's important and it has made my priorities clear.

I am also happy because today I realized that I am finally learning to manage my health. I know how to listen to my body. I can tell when I need to rest or when something is not right. Now I am not so scared of a relapse because I know what to expect and what to do when one starts. I feel like if I pay attention to my body, I can keep myself from getting really sick like I did last year. If I do things right, I won't have to miss work or any of the fun activities I have planned over the next few months. This might seem like a strange reason to feel happy but these realizations are making me feel empowered. I feel like I'm in charge instead of my disease. It makes me feel like my life is going to be just fine. I feel deeply grateful for this feeling. The last time I got sick I was full of fear about my future but now I feel like I can just take things as they come. Today I am grateful to feel so empowered.
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