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Gentle Reminders & Not So Gentle Reminders

Posted Jan 22 2009 6:18pm
I know I've been in a bit of a funk lately. I know because I've stopped doing things that I love to do. Every time depression starts to settle in, I stop doing my favorite things. For instance, this past summer. I was exhausted beyond belief. I went to work, went home, and that's about it. It was so difficult to do anything more. I had no idea why I was so tired, I just knew that I was, and I knew that it was affecting everything in my life. I stopped gardening. Flower gardening is one of my passions, and I just stopped doing it. There was no pleasure in it, because I would no sooner get started working on something and I'd be too tired to continue. So my poor flower gardens all went by the wayside.

Then, when I found out what the problem was, by way of losing the feeling in my right half, things started to fall into place in my mind. I now knew why I was so tired, why depression was so bad at times, and why those certain aches and pains would show up. Now that I had an answer, I still ignored my precious gardens.

When I go outside now, I still get to look at the mess I allowed my gardens to become. Overgrown, weeds everywhere, and a huge lack of mulch. I did start pulling weeds in October, but I never finished. Funny thing is, my neighbors just a few months ago told me how beautiful my gardens are.

Back to my original reason for being here. Sorry, I get off track often. :) I have recently stopped doing things I love, like blogging. I'm not blogging as much. I'm trying to read all of your blogs, but I find myself veering off the path. Auctions have always given me so much joy to go to, and I'm not doing that either, although my mom and sister have been begging me to go. I just prefer being home. I don't want the phone to ring, I don't want anyone showing up at the door unannounced. Just leave me with B, my kids, my computer, maybe a book or two (although I'm not reading much either), and my bed.

It's really not as bad as it sounds, but there definitely is a funk going on. BUT---

When I look into each of the faces of my family members, I see a beautiful face smiling back at me. Those faces give me reason to want to try harder and to fight harder. When I'm having a tough day, I get smiles, hugs and kisses. Those little things mean so much more to me than any material item out there. Those gentle reminders are there every day, and are so important.

Now, the not so gentle reminder is a cane. Yes, we bought a cane about a week and a half ago. Who knows? Maybe this is a partial reason for the funk. I have not used it yet, but it is sitting in a spot that no one can miss. I walk past it everyday, and I think the darn thing is staring at me. I think it's testing me or something. But, seeing that everyday gives me all the more reason to fight harder!!

I still need to catch up on some of your blogs, which I hope I will get to in the next few days.
Take care!
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