I am on the verge of a breakdown of some sort-emotional, I suppose. I'm not sure how to stop it. I see the train wreck coming and I know I need help, but I am unable to get it. Resources are about an hour drive away, and if I'm not too tired to drive that far, then the cognitive problems prevent me from being able to focus long enough to drive safely that far. I could ask for someone to drive me, but who. I have no support around here. Not only that, but financially, I can't pay $50 bucks a pop or so for therapy so I can sit there and just cry for an hour.
I am angry and scared of many different things right now. I am losing touch with reality. I cry pretty much all the time, and have been for 7, 8, maybe 9 days. I've lost track. I try to keep going, and keep supporting my family. When I try to talk to anyone about what is going on with me I get told a number of things--probably the medications. Probably the steroids. This always happens when you take the steroids. Sorry folks. Not like this. Thanks for listening.
I've been told I am difficult, mean, emotional, distant, lashing out, not listening, hearing things differently than what they really are, seeing things differently than what they really are, and so on. Really.
And the MS seems to be moving along at a really rapid pace. It scares the shit out of me. But I have no one to talk to about it. My eyelids are now numb and have been so since Saturday. It is the most annoying feeling ever. Kind of funny when you think about it.