Monday, October 24, 2005
Damaged Goods
a rare explanation.....you may not like it.
"in the way a man loves me even though he knows I am damaged goods"
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< to read the original entry
Very rarely, I find it necessary to explain myself...most of the time I choose not to because I am a very stubborn woman and have been "digging my heels in" ever since I learned how to communicate. I really was one of those children. I have told a story before about when my dolls had misbehaved when I was three and half. (The half is very important here.) I took all of the dolls, striped them naked, put them in my wagon and hauled them down to the street corner to sell them for new dolls that could mind their manners. I kept their clothes for the new dolls I planned to buy with the money I was going to make off the bad doll proceeds. I did not sell any of my naked dolls that day.
The words...damaged goods...disturbed a few people and I knew it would. I wrote my entry for Judy's contest in my private journal and almost did not choose those words...damaged goods...but any other words I thought of lost the flavor that I was after. Picking a different set of words lost the tone I was seeking and shaded the overall meaning of my entry.
So, I left "damaged goods" in my word soup.
On some level we are all damaged goods.
We are all broken.
No one wants to say those words aloud because they are self defeating. But that is real.
People are afraid.
People are lonely.
However, we do not have to stay that way...isolated.
Alone does not have to be lonely.
Many souls in this world do not believe themselves to be lovable. They do not feel worthy of love and will do everything in their power to push away love.
So I repeat:
"in the way a man loves me even though he knows I am damaged goods"
How I see the face of God in this is not so much in how I feel broken, because honestly everyone feels broken, but because I KNOW the comfort of being loved. Being loved by someone other than blood relative is a remarkable thing because it is the closest thing to God's love we get here on earth. (Our blood family we expect to love us.) Our close friends we hope love us...but when we find those random souls that set us FREE and let us be US, then I believe we touch the divine.
All of this randomness above is what I meant by damaged goods. Now will you be angry with me if I think we are all damaged goods because we are all human?
ckays1967 at 3:32:00 PM PDT Link to this entry
This entry has 15 comments: (Add your own)
Dear Christina,
When we worked together and spent so many times giggling like kids out in the blazing heat, I never imagined for a minute that you of all people would have experienced so many of the things I have always shied away from putting into words. I am so touched by the way you identify and bring into the light the darkest thoughts and emotions so many of us share. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It's humbling to realize one is not alone, no matter how it may feel. Bless you and Charlie for having found something so rare and incredible in each other, and for sharing a glimpse with the rest of us.
You have an amazing talent, and I anticipate the day we can toast your brand-new novel's publication!
Peace, my friend!
Jennifer B.
Comment from jennbinaz - 10/29/05 8:51 PM
"On some level we are all damaged goods.
We are all broken.
No one wants to say those words aloud because they are self defeating. But that is real.
People are afraid.
People are lonely."
True True True...but... maybe those things don't make one damaged. Maybe those things make one complete. And, that's why people balk to read you refer to yourself as damaged. I know I took a big gulp when I read that. :-) ---Robbie
Comment from krobbie67 - 10/28/05 6:38 AM
You are very right! We all are! Well said.
~Miss O
Comment from missboogerhead - 10/25/05 5:08 PM
someone e-mailed in private.......
I won't say who or share enough of their words to give them away but I hope that they don't mind just this bit:
I'd settle for the balance of
feeling just ok for now.
I pray for protection
from ever having to be stuck here again.
I am struck by the beauty of other people's souls and in awe of their depth. Protection my friend is what I pray for for you too. Deep abiding protection.
Comment from ckays1967 - 10/25/05 4:33 PM
Only you could make damaged goods not seem such a bad thing. You are awesome, Christina.
Blessings!~
Susan
http://journals.aol.com/rjet33/CountryLivingSouthernStyle
Comment from rjet33 - 10/25/05 10:13 AM
Aww, Christina. Lucky Charlie.
V
Comment from deabvt - 10/25/05 2:16 AM
You have a point... Lisa :-]
Comment from lisaram1955 - 10/24/05 7:11 PM
No, I am surprised people are at all...I got what you were going for you just needed to read it all in context to see that. Some people get testy... lol
Be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/
Poetry:
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/TouchofEmpathy/
Comment from princesssaurora - 10/24/05 6:57 PM
lol the more I read you the more I can relate to you sis.. we must be kindred spirits. I understood what you meant originally and nodded my head with out question. The image of the clay pot and the potter comes to mind with this entry.. it may have cracks in it and broken pieces but the potter has a plan.. a wonderful plan. " )
Comment from hunybea4him - 10/24/05 5:46 PM
Ohhh I just read your entry again, I guess Wilma has taken her toll on my brain because you said "private journal" and not secret journal. Private is like secret so give it up sweetie, where's your private journal?
Love your snoopy Mom
Comment from tsgerkin - 10/24/05 5:42 PM
Well.....it isn't a secret journal. It is called Word so that I stop giving out the nine hundred and nine alerts on my entries. Actually I think people finally took me off the stupid alerts because I edit them too much and it pisses them off.
So no private stuff that you are excluded from.
LMAO
Comment from ckays1967 - 10/24/05 5:41 PM
Hi Sweetie, yep, when you're right you are spot on right!
But what "I" want to know is:
WHAT SECRET JOURNAL? YOUR HAVE A SECRET JOURNAL?
And why pray tell do I not know about your secret journal? Where is it? Why haven't you told me about it before now? Why is it a secret and when will you send me a link?
Love you bunches,
Mom
Comment from tsgerkin - 10/24/05 5:37 PM
I added a line...it upset some people that I refered to myself as damaged goods. Some who commented in the entry that I linked and some who e-mailed me privately.
So I thought I'd do this entry ot clear it up and let people know that I do like myself a little.
LOL
Comment from ckays1967 - 10/24/05 4:02 PM
Christine dear, this is an intriguing entry. Since words are fascinating to me, this entry surpassed cursory interest and ran right up into riveting for me lol. I have not seen the debate over the term or the writing which you quote from --- only the portion quoted here so I am speaking from only one limited point of view.
I've been sitting here for several minutes analyzing why we find the phrase 'damaged goods' applied to ourselves or other humans so offensive.
All humans are indeed damaged; that has been true since immediately after Eve and then Adam ate the forbidden fruit. We begin our lives --- damaged.
When coupled with 'goods', damaged is used to denote a throw-away item --- an item of lesser value --- something nobody wants. If we apply that to ourselves, we generally mean we are of little or no value. It is used as a deragatory and disrespectful term when said of someone else.
And if your friends object to you so referring to yourself, it is only because we love and value you. If the objection is for editorial concerns or poetic license, then please forgive my intrusion into the discussion.
loving you
karyl
Comment from klconard1 - 10/24/05 3:49 PM
I don't know the original context of your "damaged goods" essay, but I wholeheartedly agree with you that all of us are broken people.
No one gets through this life without suffering and being deeply wounded in one or another. That is the great equalizer... that is what makes us human.
Loretta
http://journals.aol.com/lrttklly/LupusLeftovers
Comment from lrttklly - 10/24/05 3:39 PM
Monday, October 24, 2005
Damaged Goods
a rare explanation.....you may not like it.
"in the way a man loves me even though he knows I am damaged goods" < < < < < < < to read the original entry
Very rarely, I find it necessary to explain myself...most of the time I choose not to because I am a very stubborn woman and have been "digging my heels in" ever since I learned how to communicate. I really was one of those children. I have told a story before about when my dolls had misbehaved when I was three and half. (The half is very important here.) I took all of the dolls, striped them naked, put them in my wagon and hauled them down to the street corner to sell them for new dolls that could mind their manners. I kept their clothes for the new dolls I planned to buy with the money I was going to make off the bad doll proceeds. I did not sell any of my naked dolls that day.
The words...damaged goods...disturbed a few people and I knew it would. I wrote my entry for Judy's contest in my private journal and almost did not choose those words...damaged goods...but any other words I thought of lost the flavor that I was after. Picking a different set of words lost the tone I was seeking and shaded the overall meaning of my entry.
So, I left "damaged goods" in my word soup.
On some level we are all damaged goods.
We are all broken.
No one wants to say those words aloud because they are self defeating. But that is real.
People are afraid.
People are lonely.
However, we do not have to stay that way...isolated.
Alone does not have to be lonely.
Many souls in this world do not believe themselves to be lovable. They do not feel worthy of love and will do everything in their power to push away love.
So I repeat:
"in the way a man loves me even though he knows I am damaged goods"
How I see the face of God in this is not so much in how I feel broken, because honestly everyone feels broken, but because I KNOW the comfort of being loved. Being loved by someone other than blood relative is a remarkable thing because it is the closest thing to God's love we get here on earth. (Our blood family we expect to love us.) Our close friends we hope love us...but when we find those random souls that set us FREE and let us be US, then I believe we touch the divine.
All of this randomness above is what I meant by damaged goods. Now will you be angry with me if I think we are all damaged goods because we are all human?
ckays1967 at 3:32:00 PM PDT Link to this entry
This entry has 15 comments: (Add your own)
Dear Christina,
When we worked together and spent so many times giggling like kids out in the blazing heat, I never imagined for a minute that you of all people would have experienced so many of the things I have always shied away from putting into words. I am so touched by the way you identify and bring into the light the darkest thoughts and emotions so many of us share. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It's humbling to realize one is not alone, no matter how it may feel. Bless you and Charlie for having found something so rare and incredible in each other, and for sharing a glimpse with the rest of us.
You have an amazing talent, and I anticipate the day we can toast your brand-new novel's publication!
Peace, my friend!
Jennifer B.
Comment from jennbinaz - 10/29/05 8:51 PM
"On some level we are all damaged goods.
We are all broken.
No one wants to say those words aloud because they are self defeating. But that is real.
People are afraid.
People are lonely."
True True True...but... maybe those things don't make one damaged. Maybe those things make one complete. And, that's why people balk to read you refer to yourself as damaged. I know I took a big gulp when I read that. :-) ---Robbie
Comment from krobbie67 - 10/28/05 6:38 AM
You are very right! We all are! Well said.
~Miss O
Comment from missboogerhead - 10/25/05 5:08 PM
someone e-mailed in private.......
I won't say who or share enough of their words to give them away but I hope that they don't mind just this bit:
I'd settle for the balance of
feeling just ok for now.
I pray for protection
from ever having to be stuck here again.
I am struck by the beauty of other people's souls and in awe of their depth. Protection my friend is what I pray for for you too. Deep abiding protection.
Comment from ckays1967 - 10/25/05 4:33 PM
Only you could make damaged goods not seem such a bad thing. You are awesome, Christina.
Blessings!~
Susan
http://journals.aol.com/rjet33/CountryLivingSouthernStyle
Comment from rjet33 - 10/25/05 10:13 AM
Aww, Christina. Lucky Charlie.
V
Comment from deabvt - 10/25/05 2:16 AM
You have a point... Lisa :-]
Comment from lisaram1955 - 10/24/05 7:11 PM
No, I am surprised people are at all...I got what you were going for you just needed to read it all in context to see that. Some people get testy... lol
Be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/
Poetry:
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/TouchofEmpathy/
Comment from princesssaurora - 10/24/05 6:57 PM
lol the more I read you the more I can relate to you sis.. we must be kindred spirits. I understood what you meant originally and nodded my head with out question. The image of the clay pot and the potter comes to mind with this entry.. it may have cracks in it and broken pieces but the potter has a plan.. a wonderful plan. " )
Comment from hunybea4him - 10/24/05 5:46 PM
Ohhh I just read your entry again, I guess Wilma has taken her toll on my brain because you said "private journal" and not secret journal. Private is like secret so give it up sweetie, where's your private journal?
Love your snoopy Mom
Comment from tsgerkin - 10/24/05 5:42 PM
Well.....it isn't a secret journal. It is called Word so that I stop giving out the nine hundred and nine alerts on my entries. Actually I think people finally took me off the stupid alerts because I edit them too much and it pisses them off.
So no private stuff that you are excluded from.
LMAO
Comment from ckays1967 - 10/24/05 5:41 PM
Hi Sweetie, yep, when you're right you are spot on right!
But what "I" want to know is:
WHAT SECRET JOURNAL? YOUR HAVE A SECRET JOURNAL?
And why pray tell do I not know about your secret journal? Where is it? Why haven't you told me about it before now? Why is it a secret and when will you send me a link?
Love you bunches,
Mom
Comment from tsgerkin - 10/24/05 5:37 PM
I added a line...it upset some people that I refered to myself as damaged goods. Some who commented in the entry that I linked and some who e-mailed me privately.
So I thought I'd do this entry ot clear it up and let people know that I do like myself a little.
LOL
Comment from ckays1967 - 10/24/05 4:02 PM
Christine dear, this is an intriguing entry. Since words are fascinating to me, this entry surpassed cursory interest and ran right up into riveting for me lol. I have not seen the debate over the term or the writing which you quote from --- only the portion quoted here so I am speaking from only one limited point of view.
I've been sitting here for several minutes analyzing why we find the phrase 'damaged goods' applied to ourselves or other humans so offensive.
All humans are indeed damaged; that has been true since immediately after Eve and then Adam ate the forbidden fruit. We begin our lives --- damaged.
When coupled with 'goods', damaged is used to denote a throw-away item --- an item of lesser value --- something nobody wants. If we apply that to ourselves, we generally mean we are of little or no value. It is used as a deragatory and disrespectful term when said of someone else.
And if your friends object to you so referring to yourself, it is only because we love and value you. If the objection is for editorial concerns or poetic license, then please forgive my intrusion into the discussion.
loving you
karyl
Comment from klconard1 - 10/24/05 3:49 PM
I don't know the original context of your "damaged goods" essay, but I wholeheartedly agree with you that all of us are broken people.
No one gets through this life without suffering and being deeply wounded in one or another. That is the great equalizer... that is what makes us human.
Loretta
http://journals.aol.com/lrttklly/LupusLeftovers
Comment from lrttklly - 10/24/05 3:39 PM