Accepting help from others is a very hard thing for me to do. In my brain I remember my self being able to handle and do things for myself. I wouldn't ask for help for anything. I don't know if it is/ was pride or just being stubborn.
Then came MS. I still wouldn't ask for help. My family and close friends tried to help. They would call all the time and sometimes even just show up. I was thankful but probably didn't show it because by excepting the help made me feel like I wasn't in control. Truthfully I wasn't in control and haven't been since August of 2006.
Giving up control has been the hardest part of the "Acceptance" part of Multiple Sclerosis. My brain and my body are like two different people. I still like to feel like I am in control but I know that I am not.
I walk around the house and yard and realize I don't have the ability to handle everything like I used to. I look at the yard and gardening, something I love to do, but weeds are everywhere. I go into the house and every room needs decluttered and cleaned and work done to it. That's when I get depressed.
The other day a very good friend of mine showed up out of nowhere just to check in on me and of course it happened to be at a time that I was trying to get my two boys to help me work on cleaning there rooms and rearrange them a little. My dear friend spent the night helping solve the boys arguments and helped me to accomplish getting their rooms done. He then came over last night while I was sleeping and helped work on their rooms some more to finish what I started.
A week ago while I was sleeping my Mom and Dad and my two boys worked very hard for two hours making me a sitting garden in a hidden little area. I don't mean just a chair... I mean plants, statues, a little fire place and a water garden along with bird feeders and hummingbird feeders. It is the most amazing place to sit at.
Yesterday was Sunday and I woke up all excited to be able to go sit out there in the morning with my coffee and enjoy the beautiful sitting garden area.
All of a sudden I began to think of how I loved to do these things. I started cleaning the front porch and setting it up with chairs and tables so we can sit out there at night or in the mornings. I filled the bird feeders and hummingbird feeders. I even went out and started pulling some weeds.
Out of nowhere my Mom and Dad stopped by again and my Dad told me he was going to be coming out 1-2 days a week to help out around here. He is coming tomorrow to make me another little sitting garden area and work on the landscaping. He is going to be coming out to work on putting in hardwood floors in the bathroom. Along with helping mow the yard and whatever else he can do to help us out.
I am so happy and grateful for them and my dear friend to do all this for me. I am excited to see things get done around here.
I know that I did not ask for help and they are doing it because they want to and to help us out but it is hard for me. Normally I am the one to do things for other people not people doing things for me. I don't know how to accept it and express how thankful I am. The "Old Me" or the "Pre MS" me would never have allowed this to happen. I don't know how to acccept help. It is very hard for me. I don't know how to accept help without figuring out a way to pay them back and I can never pay them back for what they have and are doing for me.
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