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Stormy Mind

Posted Jul 10 2011 1:38am

The storm in my mind has yet to pass. Although I've filled my days with extracurricular activities meant to take the place of running, my mind wanders to the memories of racing and the feeling of self accomplishment; of achieving more than I ever thought possible. That feeling that has given me the confidence and strength to pursue everything in life without the fear of failure... the feeling that has kept me going in this fight to run again... But at the rate I continue to be knocked down, I'm not sure how much longer I can hang in there....

I ran 4.57 miles today at just above an 8 minute pace. Something I once would laugh at... I felt... out of shape, but my back felt normal. It was the least of my concerns during this run... it didn't hurt at all! My knees, feet, arms, lungs, were all fatigued just from the lack of conditioning, but with all the back drills I've been doing, that seemed to be the strongest part of my body... I would have run more if my lungs allowed it because I felt literally no back pain while running, or even while sitting at the computer for work today...but now, at quarter to 2:00am, I am unable to sleep due to the pain in my back. There was no sign of pain while I was running, I iced immediately, and stretched in the pool for added support and/or resistance. I stood on a vibrating board to increase blood flow, and yet the pain still came.

I dream and imagine the day I am back to racing... but that's really all it is now, a faint memory, and a fading dream.
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