If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it. ~Anthony J. D’Angelo, The College Blue Boo k
So far in my Journey, the best path to flow is vibrant health. It’s really difficult to be in a flow state if you’re exhausted, distracted by health issues, or listening to a self-critic that is always nagging at you to take better care of yourself. Good health is not just a lucky draw of the genes. It mostly takes positive choices and a bit of work. As we continue to explore my series on 52 Ideas to a Healthier You, this week we examine complaining and its effect on our emotional health. For me personally, the message is stop! Stop complaining! 
Complaining is one of the most insidious forms of negativity. And negativity creates unhealthy environments - in homes, classrooms, and workplaces - anyplace there are relationships. It also spreads like a virus.
When I was doing research for this post, it became painfully evident to me that I had developed a pattern of complaining over the last several months. Find out if you’re a complainer here.
I had been under a lot of stress at work and it seemed that nothing I did or how many positive suggestions I gave, none were heard or acknowledged. I had succumbed. I recall that someone even called me a complainer. Ouch! I also remember coworkers constant admonitions to smile. One of my staff even drew a smiley face on the whiteboard in my office as a reminder (it’s still there :)). Apparently, my sunny disposition had turned to a perpetual frown. Even my boss’s, boss’s, boss asked me where my smile went at one point. And he only comes to the facility every quarter or so. It was that bad.
At one point in the darkness, I remembered Tim Ferriss’s post where he shared that he was conducting an experiment in not complaining for 21 days straight. The concept came from Will Bowen, a Kansas City minister, who designed a purple bracelet which he offered to his congregation with a challenge: go 21 days without complaining. Each time one of them complained, they had to switch the bracelet to their other wrist and start again from day 0. I went to find the post on Tim’s blog, then to the Complaint Free World website, and then found the audio book from my library and began the challenge. I was amazed at how different I felt when I began to apply my mind to the task of reframing complaining into positive statements. It just didn’t last very long. In the midst of the stress and demands, the rubber band I was using as a reminder was tossed aside. I think I really just wanted a bit of empathy and validation of my frustration with the status quo. What I got was escalating negativity and chronic dissatisfaction. I don’t want to be this way. This is not the authentic me. It’s time for a change in perspective.
So here we are with a new year and new possibilities. My goal for this year is to be present. A huge part of being present is to stop resisting what is. And what is it that fuels complaining? Focusing on everything but the present and wanting something to be different from what is.
Complaining just for the sake of conversation or validation does no one any good. Tim Ferriss understands:
Fix the words and you fix the thoughts. I’m not a negative person, but I wanted to cut out the commiserating most of us use for 30-40% of all conversation (if you don’t believe me, keep track of how many people start conversations with you in the next 24 hours that center on a complaint or criticism).
Conduct an experiment of your own. Keep track of how many conversations begin with commiserating. You’ll probably be surprised - I was.
So what is complaining, exactly? Eckhart Tolle shares this definition of complaining in “A New Earth”:
Complaining is not to be confused with informing someone of a mistake or deficiency so that it can be put right. And to refrain from complaining doesn’t necessarily mean putting up with bad quality or behavior. There is no ego in telling the waiter your soup is cold and needs to be heated up-if you stick to the facts, which are always neutral. ‘How dare you serve me cold soup…?’ That’s complaining.
Tim Ferris has his own definition:
I defined ‘complaining’ for myself as follows: describing an event or person negatively without indicating next steps to fix the problem. I later added the usual 4-letter words and other common profanity as complaint qualifiers, which forced me to reword, thus forcing awareness and more precise thinking.
It doesn’t matter how you define complaining, the result is the same. When you apply conscious presence to your thoughts and words, complaining can subside. Whether you use a bracelet or other trigger to remind you, we can all reduce our complaining with attention and presence.
Here are some links for further reading:
http://rjspindle.com/index.php/articles/11-j-d-gagnon/29-positive-thoughts-in-a-
http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2007/09/18/real-mind-control-the-21-day-no-
If you enjoyed this post, please leave a comment and subscribe for free by RSS.
Tags: flow, gratitude, health, personal growth
So far in my Journey, the best path to flow is vibrant health. It’s really difficult to be in a flow state if you’re exhausted, distracted by health issues, or listening to a self-critic that is always nagging at you to take better care of yourself. Good health is not just a lucky draw of the genes. It mostly takes positive choices and a bit of work. As we continue to explore my series on 52 Ideas to a Healthier You, this week we examine complaining and its effect on our emotional health. For me personally, the message is stop! Stop complaining!
Complaining is one of the most insidious forms of negativity. And negativity creates unhealthy environments - in homes, classrooms, and workplaces - anyplace there are relationships. It also spreads like a virus.
When I was doing research for this post, it became painfully evident to me that I had developed a pattern of complaining over the last several months. Find out if you’re a complainer here.
I had been under a lot of stress at work and it seemed that nothing I did or how many positive suggestions I gave, none were heard or acknowledged. I had succumbed. I recall that someone even called me a complainer. Ouch! I also remember coworkers constant admonitions to smile. One of my staff even drew a smiley face on the whiteboard in my office as a reminder (it’s still there :)). Apparently, my sunny disposition had turned to a perpetual frown. Even my boss’s, boss’s, boss asked me where my smile went at one point. And he only comes to the facility every quarter or so. It was that bad.
At one point in the darkness, I remembered Tim Ferriss’s post where he shared that he was conducting an experiment in not complaining for 21 days straight. The concept came from Will Bowen, a Kansas City minister, who designed a purple bracelet which he offered to his congregation with a challenge: go 21 days without complaining. Each time one of them complained, they had to switch the bracelet to their other wrist and start again from day 0. I went to find the post on Tim’s blog, then to the Complaint Free World website, and then found the audio book from my library and began the challenge. I was amazed at how different I felt when I began to apply my mind to the task of reframing complaining into positive statements. It just didn’t last very long. In the midst of the stress and demands, the rubber band I was using as a reminder was tossed aside. I think I really just wanted a bit of empathy and validation of my frustration with the status quo. What I got was escalating negativity and chronic dissatisfaction. I don’t want to be this way. This is not the authentic me. It’s time for a change in perspective.
So here we are with a new year and new possibilities. My goal for this year is to be present. A huge part of being present is to stop resisting what is. And what is it that fuels complaining? Focusing on everything but the present and wanting something to be different from what is.
Complaining just for the sake of conversation or validation does no one any good. Tim Ferriss understands:
Conduct an experiment of your own. Keep track of how many conversations begin with commiserating. You’ll probably be surprised - I was.
So what is complaining, exactly? Eckhart Tolle shares this definition of complaining in “A New Earth”:
Tim Ferris has his own definition:
It doesn’t matter how you define complaining, the result is the same. When you apply conscious presence to your thoughts and words, complaining can subside. Whether you use a bracelet or other trigger to remind you, we can all reduce our complaining with attention and presence.
Here are some links for further reading:
http://rjspindle.com/index.php/articles/11-j-d-gagnon/29-positive-thoughts-in-a-
http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2007/09/18/real-mind-control-the-21-day-no-
If you enjoyed this post, please leave a comment and subscribe for free by RSS.
Tags: flow, gratitude, health, personal growth