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Love Lesson 1: Obstacles Come to the Surface

Posted Mar 21 2010 5:26am

The thing about putting out an intention is that it sets things in motion. I put out a pretty strong intention and now the Goddess is showing me what needs to change and to be faced.

As I focus on my goals and look forward, I find that I am having a real problem getting out there. When am opportunity to attend an event presents itself, I find an excuse to get out of it. For example, agreeing to events on Sundays, when that is my one stay at home, clean, and relax day. My day to get ready for the week ahead, which is important to me, because it allows me to be refreshed and ready for work. I find that I am afraid of rejection. This is new to me, but not without a real cause.

When I first came out, I joined a large local Lesbian group. I made attempt after attempt to be involved - I volunteered and attended events. Each time, I was rejected. I figure it's because I had three strikes against me - one, I am very feminine. Two, I came out rather late (at 28) and new to the community. Three, I was previously married and never with a woman before. I couldn't take rejection after rejection. I admit I am quite sensitive and it hurt me to the core. It really shook up my self-confidence. I was expecting to find an open, accepting community, but I found the opposite.

I may not be able to change the community, what happened, or how I reacted then, but I can change how I react now. I admit how I feel and how surprised I am at how I've changed. I've never had large circles of friends, but I've never had problems meeting people or socializing. This is all new to me. But I can help myself by seeking out resources to help me overcome it. I will read about rejection and self-help books on self-esteem. I will journal and explore my feelings. I will start small - instead of looking for love or even friendship, I will start by looking to meet some cool new people by attending a relaxed meet-up group focused on my interests or taking a class. I will be proud of who I am and happy with my life. I find ways to express myself and put myself out there. I will learn to deal with rejection.

I will start here. The Goddess has given me a path and some direction and I intend to follow it. It's not exactly the path I intended originally, but that happens sometimes. I will continue to write about my progress and path here - the successes and set backs.

And if anyone has any suggestions of resources (books, websites, or just ideas) or help to offer - I will accept them all gladly.
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