Sounds harsh doesn't it? It comes natural to a two year old and my five year old knows how to spell it. Why do we spend a lifetime trying to ignore it?
It's suppose to sound harsh. Energetically, it draws a hard line with the other party which says, "This is where your request ends with me. Time to look elsewhere." So often we feel No is a rejection and we don't want to hurt the other person's feelings, we want to help, be of service, do God's Will.
You've heard it before- God's Will and trusting God means trusting yourself and how you feel. No ifs, ands or buts about it. If you are not feeling it, don't force it. So often I find myself turning experiences around in my head, trying to see the good in it, second guessing how I feel when really all I have to do is understand it doesn't feel right and find a way to say No. No is the voice of God speaking to me - telling me, "It is not your place. This is not your job."
The trick has been quieting the guilt that goes along with saying No. So often one can feel as if they are the only one who can do the work, organize the group and that they are needed above anyone else. I've got news for you - you are needed and the No you are feeling is God telling you to pay attention to the priorities in your life. The No is saving you from distraction, stress and regret. When you say Yes, but really want to say No, you are taking the space that is meant for someone else to fill. Although you have been asked or invited to participate, you have to discern if it is the right experience for you and the No feeling is saying, quite clearly, "I'm not the person for this job."
How to say No nicely. 1. "I'm over committed and can't give (you, the project) the time it deserves. It's better to let someone else handle it." 2. "Can I get back to you on that?" This one requires a follow up with a clear No. 3. "That is not part of my skill set, you'll be better off with someone else." 4. "No thank you". (with a smile)
What does no feel like? 1. If you are ruminating over and over in your mind about a person, place or situation it may be a signal to get out of it and step back. 2. Are you complaining, feeling victimized or grumpy? These are all ways the body is communicating No to you. 3. Sometimes it's a pit in the stomach feeling. 4. The body can tense up or you can hear the No in your head. 5."I don't know" usually means No. Hey, what if it really is saying, "I don't no."?
What if you've said yes, but really feel like a No? Better to say something sooner rather than later. So many times, we want to help. Don't help! Helping is enabling. Enabling is dis-empowering others. Dis-empowering others keeps them in a role of victimization. When one is in the paradigm of victimization, they are in a vicious downward spiral. This is not a sustainable situation for you or the other party. It's the hand out vs. hand up; giving fish or teaching others to fish approach.
No puts the responsibility right back where it belongs and releases you to allow the abundance of God, the Universe to flow.