Is getting down to your ideal weight the most important component to looking good? What about muscle tone, a skin tan, and being fashionable and trendy? Although all of these factors can contribute to a person “looking good”, they’re all just a part of the whole attraction package. There is still a large, key factor remaining in the equation.
My simply point is this: as you are losing weight and working on your looks, work on creating a positive attitude as well. The entire package of looks and attitude go far in attracting a potential life partner (and/or to nourish a present one).
I remember talking to a client of mine in my private practice about this issue of attraction and attitude. He said to me: for every unhappy Brazilian supermodel out there, there’s some guy tired of (making love to) herâ€”although he used a much more colorful term. He further explained that “if she’s angry or depressed she becomes instantly unattractive”. Fair enough. He also said that “no man likes an unhappy woman”. I’m sure this is basically true for women’s attraction to men as well. A positive attitude counts.
Here are 5 ideas to cultivate a more positive attitude:
1) Become aware of your tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. Practice radiating a more positive, endearing countenance as much as possible. Often, acting the part will help you eventually feel and be the part. If nothing else, this will help others want to be around you more.
2) Remember the rule of thumb: do I present myself in such a way that I would want to be around me? If not, change yourself accordingly. It’s like the Golden Rule from the Bible: do unto others (that is, maintain a positive countenance and attitude) as you would have them do unto you.
3) Learn how to think more positively and challenge old, self-defeating beliefsâ€”including letting go of “emotional baggage”. This may be challenging to do by yourself, so you may wish to seek out a qualified and licensed psychotherapist to assist. In addition, you may wish to look into the following self-help cognitive therapy workbook: Mind Over Mood by Greenberger and Padesky.
4) Learn social skills and build up your relationships with others. As you reach out and connect more, your mood and attitude will naturally improve. A suggested book on the subject: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
5) View happiness and positivity as a choice in your life and a skill you can learn and improve, rather than a personality attribute that some fortunate few are blessed with (and others not).
Finally, remember that improving your attitude takes work just like weight loss, fashion, etc. I leave you with thought by Samuel Goldwyn: “I’m a big believer in luck. The harder I work, the luckier I get”.
This is true! I know of someone who was recently fired, who just was kind of inconsiderate in the office. That wasn't the only reason he was fired, of course, but his disruptions, rudeness to other people, poor manners... it made him easier to let go than someone who fit in well with others.
Also, remember to be a friend in all "weathers", fair and foul. I know people who are either with you when you're up and others who like to see you down -- not being a success.
I think all of this is generally true but I also think that sometimes, the positivity can come off as kind of fake. I am sure we've all had the experience of meeting people who use their positive attitude as a way to avoid dealing with negative emotions, or simply as a way to get people to like them better. I don't think we should change our attitudes simply to get others to like us--we should do it because our emotional health depends on it. At the same time, learning to accept the times we are sad or unhappy rather than covering them up with false positivity is important. I think the simple act of acceptance can actually enhance our positive feelings.
Thank you Nirmala. Point taken. I guess my main message in this article is just that we need to be mindful of how we come across to people with our attitude as well if we want to gain acceptance. A thin, attractive body alone won't be enough.
Question: what's worse--risking coming across "as a phoney", or being honest with our inner self and displaying a depressed countenance? Neither sound particulaly attractive, if attraction is what you are concerned about. On the personal note, looking depressed never made anyone feel better, from what I've seen.
Hmmm, interesting points, Dr. Randy. I think that having an "attractive" attitude is also largely dependent on the person you're interacting with. I've encountered plenty of obnoxious, over-the-top people who thrive on putting others down--but they still have a gaggle of admirers around them! It all depends on the kind of circle you run with, I suppose. I typically try to treat others the way I'd like to be treated--even when I'm upset or depressed, I always try to be conscious of things like consideration and respect. I don't think this is so much because I want to be accepted but more because I don't think it's healthy or necessary to spread bad vibes.