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Children, Solitude and Spiritual Growth

Posted by Stephanie B.

I am not sure if I want children or not. (The decision may be made for me, as I have yet to find the right relationship within which to have children.) I used to think that I needed to have children to learn about love. Now I find that I am learning just as much but in a different way. I require a lot of solitude to do the spiritual work that I do, and I wonder sometimes if I would be able to find time for this necessary solitude with a family.

I start to understand now why some people choose a monastic life. This is not
to say I am a hermit; I have an active social life. But my solitude is what has
enabled me to make tremendous breakthroughs in my spiritual growth.

Comments (3)
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Though I like to be in a relationship, I can understand being unsure about children. My husband and I did not want children, but we changed our minds eventually (it took until we were mid-twenties though.) It's amazing the response people give when you say you do not want children but in my opinion, it is better to know that you are not suited to having them than to go ahead and have them because it's the accepted thing to do or the "right" thing to do. Becoming a parent takes a lot of sacrifice (of self--I really struggled with my loss of self after having my son) and I applaud you for knowing yourself and evaluating what is right for you.


I feel your ambivalence. I'm married and close to 30 myself, and I've been getting the predictable barrage of questions on when we're starting a family, etc. I didn't get married because I wanted to have children, however. I got married because I cherish the love, partnership, and growth that I've experienced with my man.

I once had a friend who said she wanted to have kids because she wants to experience as much as she possibly can, including being a mother. I don't think that's a particularly compelling reason--you can be complete, happy, and fulfilled without being a parent. In any case, ifwe decide to have children in the future, I think it'll be based on a variety of factors--how that fits into our lives' larger plan, whether we have the money/means to do it, etc.

Nirmala, I understand your friend who wants to experience everything. I used to feel like that about being a mother too. Then I had a few past life regressions and realized I have had/will have plenty of lifetimes to experience that and don't necessarily need to do it NOW. Which isn't to say that I won't. But, there is one thing that is still true in this culture and that is women take the brunt of the child-rearing responsibilities. It seems that in order to have children I am going to have to sacrifice a lot of the attention and energy I put into my own projects.

I don't feel selfish by saying I'm not sure if I want to do that - I do a lot of work that helps others. I have a coach who never had children (can't have them, due to disablity) and she said the joy she gets from coaching performing artists is the best joy in the world. She said she knew when she was 3-years-old she was not meant to come here and be a mother. She has absolutely no rejects over not having her own children.

On the other hand, quite a few psychics I've spoken with have said I'll have a child someday. But that, of course, should be taken with a grain of salt. :-)

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