Being an Authentic Woman

actually, I meant to say it's a local businessman not a local businesswoman. He's a big jerk and is not liked at all within the community because of his blatant sexism towards the women within our community.

I tell it like I see it also. I won't get into the topic of Hillary Clinton because I'm not a fan of her in the least, but I absolutely agree with what you said.

I battled the glass ceiling with past jobs and that's one of the reasons I left behind a career in non-profit fundraising. I was tired of the good ole boys networks and the crap I dealt with working with golf tournament committees who had to have my male boss involved in meetings because they did not want a woman at the healm taking the authoritative lead.

I've learned a long time ago that it's not a popularity contest and I stand by my convictions. Before I quit my job, I stood up to my boss and told him exactly what I thought of him and his unethical business practices. I didn't care--I was on my way out and I couldn't sit back and let this person think he was going to slide.

If you want to see rants, I should include some of my Letters to the Editor that have been published here in my local paper. There's a local business women here who constantly degrades women (and children) who are trying to make a difference in the community.

Women need a voice--it's about time!

I have an opinion about your opinion. :)

Ok. I am one of those woman who is authentic. I went from being rude & brazen in my teens to arrogant & opinionated in my twenties. Now, in my thirties I realize being open and straitforward works fantastic to get reactions, involvement from others. I leave room for others to have a different opinion. I also choose my words to leave the listener empowered or moving the conversation forward. Otherwise, I'm just talking shit. But, then call it how it is.

The 'nice' woman are the ones to be careful about. They are holding back some viscious venome because they are not fully expressed.

And this is my opinion.

Great smile by the way.

It's cool to see how Stephanie's post is still generating responses. I think that being authentic is deeply important but over the years, I'm beginning to realize there is a big difference between sharing officious opinions and being truly powerful, between forcing an agenda and being authentic. I think that for men and women, it's all about balance--being who we are but also leaving room for others.

In my opinion, an authentic woman is more appealing. Definitely be yourself.

I'm experimenting with a little more laughter these days, and brazen opinions (from either a man or a woman) are enough to kill that tendency.

I thought a male presence should make an appearance in here and after some deliberation and surfing through the membership figured it would be me or no one.

But honestly, this one's gotten away and I'm not sure what topic to contribute to exactly. So I'm just "showing up".

Yeah, I disagree with the main post. Basically because I feel that what you're saying is that people can be mean, or too blunt, or brutally honest, and they should do that...rather than be considerate or care about other people.

Sure, there's nothing wrong with having an opinion, but that doesn't mean you have to be overly forceful or mean about it.

Basically, I agree with Neva.

I agree Neva. I have found it a far more challenging thing to stop talking about me and mine and actually be a pillar of support for other women and their issues. But I think Stephanie has a point, it takes being strong in order to really be support for someone else. I think it's a balance between being strong within yourself and being overtly aggressive toward others. It has, in my life, been a hard balance to be "genuine" when so often it scares other women away. Most are so good at playing the social games, I'm afraid I never learned them! Which isn't a bad thing, neccessarily. The friends I have are wonderful, grounded and genuine. But they are hard to find.

Go Stephanie!! I couldn't agree w you more. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and you should hear what people say about us (maybe you have:-) I've learned to speak up for myself, take care of myself, and really not give a damn what anyone else thinks!

For me, the biggest challenge I face is being myself nicely, firmly and joyfully in the face of whatever judgment or opposition comes my way.

I think we are all seeing Hillary Clinton walk that tightrope of authenticity and I don't envy her that job either. Whew, it's hard enough to find balance in my little circle of friends...imagine doing it with the entire nation watching...and voting for or against you.

It has always been easy for me to be direct and confrontative. What has come harder for me is patience, tolerance, awareness of the underlying issues behind those women I might label B's.

The Warrioress has seldom served me unless fighting my own personal demons. However, part of my journey toward this self-empowered, self-realized and confident woman I see inside was going through the rising up and speaking out with force. Maybe it is part of every woman's journey.

I just don't think that we can categorize supporters of either campaign by race, gender or age. For instance, Stephanie, you state so often, that older women go for Hillary and younger women go for Obama. I don't find that to be true at all! I know lots of older women going for Obama, and lots of younger women going for Hillary. I agree with Larisa here, it's not a basis of bodily attributes that you were born with and had no control over. It's not a relationship based on those haphazard attributes that would make me support one or the other.

And a side note here-I think you have your generations mixed up. As far as I know, the baby boom generation cutoff was 1965. Gen X started in 1965-1985. I don't know what the next generation is called.....A generation is comprised of 30 years.....So by calculation Stephanie, you would be Gen X, I believe, and not a baby boomer. Baby boomers are closer to retirement age at this point. Not that it really matters except if we're talking about generational differences here. Each generation deals with different issues. With the baby boomers it was world wars, the depression and desegregation. With Gen X it was the desert wars, global warming and terrorism. I realize I'm leaving stuff out, but these are the most notable that come to mind. So of course, based on that list, each generation is going to have different political concerns. The idea, hopefully, is that we learn from our elders about the past, and that our elders can be kept in the present through the experiences of the youthful. Polarizing the two camps doesn't really serve either one, although it's the common way of thinking and acting. "my experience is more important than your experience."

I didn't realize that statement was kind of a pun for the generational voters and for the democratice party. And maybe for this

I've been following this thread for sometime now, but a comment was made that I could not resist responding to.

Stephanie: "Blacks are overwhelmingly supporting Obama because they see that having a black president would open doors for them as a whole and would change attitudes. Women, sadly, don't seem to understand that having a woman president would do the same for them.

Given a slight margin of difference on Obama vs. Clinton, I think that a woman SHOULD give the edge to Hillary just because she's a woman...unless the woman is a black voter...then she'll have to choose which representation she feels would be more important overall."

This is my opinion, but when voting, people should NEVER vote for a candidate because they are a female or more, white or black. That is not how you choose a leader. People should choose a leader based on their background, skills, and what they can offer the country. Sure having a black president may open doors for blacks and sure having a female president may open doors for women, but that's not the only issue America has on the table. You are discriminating against the other candidates by stating "woman SHOULD give the edge to Hillary just because she's a woman..."

I would absolutely vote for a female candidate IF I agreed with her stance on particular issues that are important to me, but that's not the case for this election, so I am voting for Obama. Not because I fear a women's capability in the office (my family is from Latvia, a country that has had a woman president for two terms: 1999 and 2003), but I have never been a fan of her, even prior to her announcing she was going to run for president.

If people only vote on the basis of gender... there's a big problem and I'm moving to Canada...

"One thing though....Stephanie, unless your photo is dreadfully outdated, please realize a) you're not that old and b) you and I are indeed the same generation. You are not old enough to be my mother..."

That photo was taken when I was 36...I am now 37...I will be 38 in a month...and that means I have two years until 40. I think that officially makes me middle age. (Sorry if I just happen to look young for my age!) When I say the "younger generation of women coming up" I have a right to say that - girls entering college now are young enough to be my daughter.

Bottom line: I don't know how old you are but there is a definite gap between Baby Boomer/Gen X women and Millennials on Hillary Clinton. Check the stats. Clinton generally wins hands down among older women and Obama wins the 20something women. I've also personally run across more younger women who are very anti-Hillary than older women.

This is also why Obama faired so well in caucus states - younger people are more likely to go - senior women stayed home. And that was the big miscalculation made by the Clinton campaign. If those states had not been caucuses we'd have different results now.

So yes, I am disappointed in younger women as a whole. They don't know what the older women really had to go through in fighting for their rights, how far women have come or how much farther we still have to go. When I was in college, my friends and I carpooled down to Washington to rally for abortion rights (younger women may have no idea how SERIOUSLY they were in danger) and these days liberal women just go to anti-war rallies.

Women couldn't even go to Yale until a year before I was born. I grew up in the transition from the period where all women were was housewives to women actually having careers. But we still have a glass ceiling and women still earn less than men.

Blacks are overwhelmingly supporting Obama because they see that having a black president would open doors for them as a whole and would change attitudes. Women, sadly, don't seem to understand that having a woman president would do the same for them.

Given a slight margin of difference on Obama vs. Clinton, I think that a woman SHOULD give the edge to Hillary just because she's a woman...unless the woman is a black voter...then she'll have to choose which representation she feels would be more important overall.

But given that sexism is much more commodified now, I believe it's harder for young women now to see how oppressed they are. Media images are constantly selling women as sex objects; young girls join shows to become a "Top Model" or an "American Idol" not a top CEO (the Apprentice notwithstanding). "Girls Gone Wild" has become "socially acceptable" porn. Lesbian chic is all the rage - not to empower women, but to get attention from males. I could go on...but I've said enough already.

Yikes, I hate to get involved with this one, but I can't help myself.

I am not a super political person, but I prefer Obama for many reasons. Some of them are:

1. We have already had two Bushes...let's get a fresh name in the white house

2. I feel that Hilary is more likely to sell out to big business and corporations than Obama. I don't have absolute proof of this, but I intuitively feel this way.

3. I think that Obama is more likely to win for the Democrats. Some of that is because she is a woman perhaps, but I also think that people are ready for a change, and he is more of a change.

4. When I listen to both of them speak, I equally agree with them, but somehow I just believe Obama a fraction more. In my opinion, no politician can be trusted, but my intuition is that Obama is just a little more trust worthy. I don't feel this is because she is a woman, it is because she is Hilary.

But...I will take Hilary over a republican anyday!

Um what? I'm not voting "against" her or for Obama on the basis of race alone. Just like I'm not voting for Hillary on the basis of genitalia. I just don't think the issue is as simple as all that. I'm sorry we disagree, but you chose not to read the rest of what I wrote in that comment. I'm just excited about some new ideas that I think Obama has to offer. And frankly, I find Hillary to be.....nasty. She fights nasty. But that's my opinion. You are obviously passionate about your vote and have heard some things in the media you don't appreciate. But I'm not the originator of everything you dislike,sweetie. And you are good at making your point, but less effective at making others SEE your point. Arguing politics is like arguing religion. Each is staunch in their own beliefs and views and will spend more time trying to sway the other than ever accomplish anything at all. I was simply stating my view on why I wasn't voting for Hillary. It wasn't an attack on you personally, (which I can't find myself say about your response ) and it doesn't make me anything but opinionated. Isn't that what this whole post was about? Hmmmm. The water's not so fine in here for differing opinions.

One thing though....Stephanie, unless your photo is dreadfully outdated, please realize a) you're not that old and b) you and I are indeed the same generation. You are not old enough to be my mother...

"Obama has declared that he will fight to get America out of the oil industries and bring green energy to our country so that we are self sufficient and self reliant." Hillary has said that too. She is also the overwhelming choice by most of the poorer and less educated Democrats - it's apparently the rich white liberals from college campuses upset about the war who are pro-Obama. So I don't see how anything you said about Obama is better than what Hillary has proposed. It also appears that you are voting *against* her because she is white? (As if Obama doesn't come from privelege, being the distant relative of Dick Cheney?)

So basically, you're saying you'll vote for a black man because he's black but you won't vote for a woman because she's a woman. Yes, that does sadden me. I have absolutely no problem with blacks voting for a black man to represent them. What really amazes me is how many women will NOT vote for a woman to represent them!

You start your comment saying you won't vote for a woman just because she's a woman, and then later say you don't want to vote for rich white people. Amazing. So it's OK to vote for a rich black man instead...affirmative action only applies to blacks? Hello...we have a glass ceiling still, in case you didn't notice.

If you think that sexism does not play a part in all of this, just read the following comment I found on the Huffington Post today about Hillary:

"SHREW FROM DAY 1If Hillary's new campaign strategy is to reinforce misogynistic stereotypes about shrill manipulative women it's a winner. Hillary's tone-deaf flatfooted harping foreshadows a painfully bleak HRC presidency."

What a horrible, sexist comment!

It is clear to me that America is much more ready for a black man to be president than a white woman. And I'm glad that people are more open-minded about race relations, but it truly shows me how close-minded we are on gender. We are so surrounded by sexism every day we can't even see it anymore. I am very disappointed with the young women of the next generation coming up who can't see the forest for the trees. I despair that I will never see a woman president in my lifetime. Hillary is an amazing, brilliant woman, and I am absolutely dismayed that so many young women don't recognize that in her.

It's not that I don't like Hillary either. But I like Obama more. I'm not going to vote for a woman, simply because she is a woman. It's not about her marriage, or her tears, or anything else people find to complain about. I like Obama's message, the movement he's creating, his experience and his "freshness" on the political scene and in his views. That's not to say I don't appreciate what was going on in the 70's, and the 60's and the 50's, for that matter. That's not to say I don't recognize the importance of women's continued fight for equality. She's just not my pick this year for the real issues our country is dealing with right now, from the war, to bipartisanship, to poverty and government spying. America has been asleep at the wheel and in the meantime our government lies in bed with big business and has sold our civil liberties to the highest bidder. Even Obama's campaign contributions are coming from the citizen and not big business. That says a lot to me. The majority of the people in this country are working class people who struggle with paying their rent, feeding their families and an uncertain financial future. The last thing we need is to continue to give our leadership positions to rich white politicians who know nothing about true financial hardship and have vested interests in the building up of big business. In the past, these are the very politicians we elect to take care of our citizens, the majority being working class, and in the meantime our leaders are getting rich off of ignoring the troubles of the majority in the interest of bedding up with oil companies, health care companies, war-mongering companies, etc. Obama has declared that he will fight to get America out of the oil industries and bring green energy to our country so that we are self sufficient and self reliant. I believe in that!

Here's an excellent article to read about the presidential election and the epidemic of unacknowledged sexism against Hillary Clinton:

http://www.womensmediacenter.com/ex/020108.html

An excerpt pertinent to this discussion:

"Goodbye to some women letting history pass by while wringing their hands, because Hillary isn’t as “likeable” as they’ve been warned they must be, or because she didn’t leave him, couldn’t “control” him, kept her family together and raised a smart, sane daughter. (Think of the blame if Chelsea had ever acted in the alcoholic, neurotic manner of the Bush twins!) Goodbye to some women pouting because she didn’t bake cookies or she did, sniping because she learned the rules and then bent or broke them. Grow the hell up. She is not running for Ms.-perfect-pure-queen-icon of the feminist movement. She’s running to be president of the United States."

Wow. That's it in a nutshell. I actually heard a young women gripe about Hillary not controlling her husband over the weekend. Um, excuse me, show me someone who hasn't been cheated on and I'll show you someone who is probably clueless...

I am dismayed by how younger women don't seem to "get" how fantasticly brilliant Hillary is, and why it is important to elect her - I think they are too young to understand all the fights that women had in the 70s...and since they grew up during the Backlash (read Susan Faludi, anyone), they aren't aware of the sexism going on around us all the time.

There's a reason why more older women support Hillary overall. We know what's at stake and we have been to more consciousness raising groups.

I could say more...but I will just say, read that link.

It's tough being a woman with an opinion, but imagine how much worse it might have been 40 years ago.

And while it may be hard for Hilary and I admire her going for president...I am still going for Obama! I hope he is on the ticket...and wins the whole thing!