I got to visit my MIL in the hospital today. The doctors believe she had a stroke (which has similar symptoms to what she experienced prior to radiation). It seems her right side is affected. The problem is, they can't tell from the scans if it is a blood clot in the brain, or if an aneurism burst and is hemmorhaging. And that means they can't treat it yet.
She opened one eye a little when we visited, and seemed to squeeze my hand a little. But other than that, she just sleeps. She's still on forced oxygen but her breathing is a little better today.
I had to leave at one point and went to cry alone in the chapel. Then I could go back and be strong for my BIL, GM's twin. My heart is breaking and I am to the point where I feel like I am going to collapse. I nearly cancelled my lessons today, but I'm glad I didn't. My students are such a blessing to me, and their moms were a great comfort.
I can't sleep. I don't want to eat. I can barely stop crying.
At the same time, I felt very drawn to do certain things in the hospital--hold her hand, let her know I was looking after "her guys" (GM, BIL and FIL), form a circle with GM and BIL and hold her hands and pray, and then before we left, I put my hand on her head. She's lost all her hair again, but I know that the healing power of touch can work miracles. I believe in visualization and "saw" her room filled with angels (including mine) and a healing light for comfort.
I hated leaving her, but GM said she'd be the first to tell me to go home to my kids and rest.
One of my student's moms gave voice to why I am feeling so lost in all this.....she asked when GM and I had met (at 18), and married (at 22), and then said that no wonder we're close--I've known her my entire adult life. 20 years. We haven't always seen eye to eye, but her bout with lung cancer last year made us closer than ever.
DQ was an angel....she stayed home from school again today, sore throat, slight fever--but she really needed a mental break. She babysat her brother while we were gone and has really been amazing. She has so much of her father and grandmother's strength in her and for that I'm glad. Sometimes I feel like she's mothering me, but she's so compassionate, at least there is a silver lining. She's just hoping to get better for the rest of this week's judo practices. I know she needs that stress outlet. SB doesn't really understand, being only 6. We're hoping her cold goes away quickly, because I want the kids to see her. I know it's not easy and will probably be upsetting, but I think it is important for them to see her. We just don't know what each day is going to bring.
Labels: Cancer , hospital , Mother in Law , stroke
She opened one eye a little when we visited, and seemed to squeeze my hand a little. But other than that, she just sleeps. She's still on forced oxygen but her breathing is a little better today.
I had to leave at one point and went to cry alone in the chapel. Then I could go back and be strong for my BIL, GM's twin. My heart is breaking and I am to the point where I feel like I am going to collapse. I nearly cancelled my lessons today, but I'm glad I didn't. My students are such a blessing to me, and their moms were a great comfort.
I can't sleep. I don't want to eat. I can barely stop crying.
At the same time, I felt very drawn to do certain things in the hospital--hold her hand, let her know I was looking after "her guys" (GM, BIL and FIL), form a circle with GM and BIL and hold her hands and pray, and then before we left, I put my hand on her head. She's lost all her hair again, but I know that the healing power of touch can work miracles. I believe in visualization and "saw" her room filled with angels (including mine) and a healing light for comfort.
I hated leaving her, but GM said she'd be the first to tell me to go home to my kids and rest.
One of my student's moms gave voice to why I am feeling so lost in all this.....she asked when GM and I had met (at 18), and married (at 22), and then said that no wonder we're close--I've known her my entire adult life. 20 years. We haven't always seen eye to eye, but her bout with lung cancer last year made us closer than ever.
DQ was an angel....she stayed home from school again today, sore throat, slight fever--but she really needed a mental break. She babysat her brother while we were gone and has really been amazing. She has so much of her father and grandmother's strength in her and for that I'm glad. Sometimes I feel like she's mothering me, but she's so compassionate, at least there is a silver lining. She's just hoping to get better for the rest of this week's judo practices. I know she needs that stress outlet. SB doesn't really understand, being only 6. We're hoping her cold goes away quickly, because I want the kids to see her. I know it's not easy and will probably be upsetting, but I think it is important for them to see her. We just don't know what each day is going to bring.
Labels: Cancer , hospital , Mother in Law , stroke