Holy cats. When the kids get home today I will have a Sophomore in high school and a third grader. *plotz*
Let's put this time warp into perspective. I remember JQ's face perfectly the first day she went to kindergarten. And now she's learning to drive. How the hell did that happen?
In third grade I moved into the house my parents are still living at. I made some friends that I still have today (*Wave to JJ*). JB was born in THIS house. Where did time go?
I'll tell you where it went. Right to my hair which I have not colored in months. I decided today it looks less like sexy Rogue from Xmen and more like Cruella DeVil. Not pretty.
And this summer will zoom past even faster I'm sure. JQ has 2 classes to do assignments for; is earning community service hours by working at the art museum for 2 weeks; and still taking judo, going to tournaments and seeing her boyfriend (who is going to FRANCE--if I didn't love him so much I'd hate him right now.)
Ahh judo. The last tournament was good and bad. She had no one in her division so she wound up fighting a brown belt in the senior (17+) division. Got her butt thoroughly whooped. But this girl beat a black belt from Japan so not disappointed in JQ at all. But she really needs more training because in the world of Judo, it's hit or miss if she'll have anyone to fight (and she's a little tired of winning by beating one girl). Only at the national tournaments does she have a decent pool, but that's where she needs the training.
So during the summer she's going to take judo one day a week about an hour from here--the Sensei is *amazing*, and she's gone to things at his dojo so he knows her (and well, everyone knows our Sensei). And she's going to start attending the adult class at our dojo.
This is all in preparation for July--one weekend we'll be in Georgia for the Jr. Olympics, the next weekend in Ft. Lauderdale for the Jr. Open. She came in 2nd last year in the Jr. Olympics but they are always one week apart so she's never gone to the Open. It depends alot on JM's gallbladder surgery but we hope to make this our vacation.
JB likes Judo quite alot but doesn't take the class as seriously as he should (grrr). But he did get a bronze medal at the last tournament, so he was happy. He'll participate in the tournament in a few weeks, but won't compete in July.
As for JM--he hasn't had his surgery scheduled yet. But an MRI of his liver discovered a hemangioma inside. Not large enough to warrant anything but watching it. He'll have it rechecked in 6 and 12 months.
Migraines have been kicking my ass. I had one yesterday that was horrific. I've renamed the 1-10 pain scale "how badly do I want to kill myself". It was a 13, easily. Time to see the neuro again. Sigh.
I am still missing Grandma so badly it doesn't take much to bring on a slew of tears (like now). It hurts so bad it's hard to breathe. I am not doing well. Her picture is by my bedside and when I look at it a fresh stab goes through my heart. But to move that picture seems so very wrong, not when I loved her so much. I don't want to forget for a second what she looked like when she was happy and feeling better than she was the last time I saw her. This is what I want to remember. Even if it hurts so much I still want to rip my heart out. Because I know that if she had lost me, she never would have moved my picture. And I know that someday, maybe not anytime soon, I won't hurt so much looking at the picture. It will come in steps, tiny ones, and events like holidays and birthdays will rip open that healing all over again.
This wasn't what I intended when I started this post. But it's hard to post without thinking of her, one of my most diligent readers. All the little things I think about telling her and then I remember. Even though I talk to her and I know she's watching over me. I just want to hear her voice, feel her arms around me, see her smile.
Aunt C, if you're reading, I'm sorry if this made you cry. I think about you all the time too and know that I'm sending you love and hugs every day. Furry pets to Tiger too. xoxo