My sister reminded me today of an old Roger Miller song, Can't Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd, we used to sing and I'm thinking that's my answer. Been in the dumps lately, can't seem to climb out....maybe all I've got to do is Knuckle Down, Buckle Down, and Do It, Do It, Do It to get my happy back.
Traveled a few days last week to a new client. Love the interaction, traveled with a great crew, but I did a dumb thing. I forgot my cane BLING. I left it setting on the edge of the table in the sunroom. Legs don't fail me now I was thinking. I could have gotten myself a new cane on the way but I thought - I will be sitting down most of the time, I won't need it. Wrong! It's been payback time since Thursday night. I couldn't even safely drive to work Friday, my feet wouldn't push against the brake pedals well enough to stop. They have been in spasms and hurting ever since.
The Legs were functional for the most part during the trip. I was able to tip myself up on the feet and once I got tromping The Legs got with the program. Late at night and these last few days The Legs got really upset with me. Oh. My. God. Wish I had an off switch. I found some lidoderm patches I had packed in this luggage from a couple of years ago when my occipital stimulator got installed (hadn't used this particular piece of luggage for quite a while!!). I used a couple and they helped some of the cramping in my calves, so I may ask my PCP Monday if he could prescribe these for me to try. I'd like to exhaust all avenues before trying to increase pain medication again and I don't think pain meds will help the cramping muscle problems anyway. Sigh.
Last weekend a friend came over and we went to Sonic and laughed and talked and had a great time during the 50% off drink special - I had a strawberry limeade - my favorite. I needed some time to be a person instead of a caretaker for awhile and just to listen to her talk about her daughter and her grandbabies was great. Her oldest grandbaby is in high school now!!! I remember when he was born. Big Sigh!!
The cleaning rampage is continuing but at a slower pace. Thank heaven! Must have been a full moon or something to put me over the edge. For me, when I am upset I quit eating and I want to clean everything. If you saw me and my house, you would know I am seldom upset!! Ha! So maybe cleaning was a way to metaphorically clean house upstairs in my brain too.
Maybe all the cleaning and the travel has been too much exercise for The Headache. I have had to up the voltage and change the programs in my occipital stimulator quite a few times this week. Perhaps it is the horrid wet windy weather? Just wish it would behave while The Legs are dancing in pain. The Belly has been in a fix too, I think it is because I ate some "fry bread" vegetarian taco's at the client's cafeteria last week. Delicious but way way way too much fat!! Their chef was so kind when she found out I had a mammalian meat allergy tho. She had actually heard of it, so woohoo!!!
I am waiting for my blood test results from Dr. House in St. Louis. I left a message last week, but was gone most of the week so I don't know if he tried to catch me at home or not. I am just guessing since I have not heard from them that my test results were normal. Generally in health care they don't waste time giving you bad news, but are in no hurry at all to give you good news.
This next week I have at least 3 or 4 doctor appointments. I see my PCP about The Legs tomorrow, and a followup on the kidney stones. I have been running a pretty good sized fever and have been off antibiotics for about five days so suspect I still have an infection. The nerve damage in my pelvic area is so bad I cannot tell if I have a bladder infection until I am throwing up and have terrible back pain, so it is difficult for me to know what is causing the fevers. I see Dr. Calm (my immunologist) for a routine followup, and since The Hives have been especially vile lately I will see if he recommends anything more than I am doing. I would like to have Dr. House's results before that appointment in case something immunological popped up. I also see my urologist, Dr. Pepper, next week for a specialist followup for the kidney stones. Since the stones didn't move through very well this time the ER doc I saw after the infection set in suggested I see my specialist. Big Sigh Again.
I am waiting to hear back from Dr. House before really deciding about retiring because of disability. I guess I am keeping some obscure hope alive that something might be wrong with The Legs that I can fix. I want a full array of information before I try to make a life changing decision.
I will try and reach for my happiness again this week. I feel defeated, withdrawn, overwhelmed with my own issues and with handling other people's issues in my home. I need to strap on my roller skates and get out there with the buffaloes and go for it, no matter what the song says. I might just succeed!!!