i love my family but i cant stand bull crap for to long what do i do about it? cuz its realy not there fault like myself they dont know what is wrong with me. when they think they arent adding to the fire i go up in flames and they dont diserve this....who do i see??????
Hi, Me. Well, you probably hold stuff in for the same reason the rest of us do -- you're scared of what would happen if you let it out. That whoever heard your stuff would judge you or reject you or think you're crazy, etc. (At least that's why I hold MY stuff in.) And you might be right, or you might not; I don't know the people in your life, so I don't know how safe they are to talk to. I do know that virtually everyone I work with in therapy has the same fear, and that it makes a huge difference when they find someone they feel safe talking with. So I encourage you to make finding that someone a priority.
I also invite you to check out my blog Monkeytraps, where I write about the high cost of holding in feelings, among other things. Check out the post titled "Bert is nuts": It may make you feel less crazy. Best, ~ Steve
Something which helped me make sense of my moods was keeping a diary, that way I could see if there were any patterns for when I had a good day and when I had a bad day and see what triggered the bad days. That was why I started writing my online blog, initially it was like my online diary and I found writing a good outlet for my feelings. Would it be possible to sit down with your family and explain to them the things that make you feel so mad? Of course they don't deserve it when you have outbursts but maybe talking to them could help both of you to understand what it is that makes you feel like you have to lock all of your emotions in until you 'lose your mind'. Alternatively it might be worth getting some one on one help with a counsellor or psychologist, someone who doesn't know you and who you could speak to to try and make sense of all these emotions going on inside of you. You could also try speaking to someone on a phone helpline, sometimes talking to someone who doesn't know you can really help.
I hope you could maybe try one of those ideas and see if it helps in any way, take care :)
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