I’m so tired and I don’t know if it’s because I need to get more sleep or if it’s because I’m feeling depressed. Although most individuals can immediately identify the source of their exhaustion, I have some difficulties recognizing the cause of my fatigue.
Sleep has always been my best coping mechanism. Well, perhaps not so much of a way of coping, but more of a way to avoid dealing with anything and everything. I slept away my teenage years, as I was only able to find some semblance of peace when I was asleep. At times I wish I could continue to sleep my life away, but I now have too many goals and the important purpose of being a wife and mom that keeps me going each day.
In all honesty, I spend my life in a state of constant exhaustion, never knowing if I should have gone to bed earlier the night before or if I should find a better method of coping with life. Or perhaps it’s a little bit of both.
Why don’t I go to bed earlier at night if I’m always tired? To be honest, although I want to, I also want to make the most of my evenings when the kids are in bed. I enjoy time alone with my husband, surf the net, read and write.
As I sit here waiting for the caffeine to kick in from my cup of instant coffee, I think that today my exhaustion might be a combination of depression and being a young mom. I might try to rest during the girls’ nap time and then head off to the gym – the combination of both activities should recharge my batteries, I hope.
Sadly, I don't have any answers or solutions for my constant state of exhaustion. I'm always tired, have always been tired and feel as though I will always be tired. Exercise and eating right do help, but require a fair amount of effort, especially when I'm tired. Maybe one day I'll have an answer for all this, but not today.