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The Mind of Male Chauvinism

Posted Oct 23 2008 11:42am

Many readers ask about psychological problems that are intractable to psychotherapy. Conditions such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, and Antisocial Personality Disorder do not have great treatment records via therapy in and of itself. And, while chauvinism is not a DSM-IV disorder per se, it remains a social problem that is not easily ameliorated.

Fresh off his appearance on the Dr. Phil show, internet celebrity and author Dick Masterson of MenAreBetterThanWomen.Com joins Dr. Rob to give us insight into the mind of what many consider misogyny. Fools and myopic readers of Dick's site erroneously label him an "actor" or a "fictional character" used to simply get a rise out of women and sell his book in what many believe is a satirical hate-speech format. Rob Dobrenski, Ph.D., however, will not fall prey to such hoodwinking.

Dick is a man with true disdain for the female form, one who is incapable of a loving and meaningful relationship with a woman. Read on as Dr. Rob uncovers the mechanisms behind Dick's views and demonstrates the limits of a psychologist's abilities against such unwavering conviction. Bear in mind that I might also use this interview as the basis for a research grant on Dick, the Hannibal Lechter of women-bashing:

1) While MenAreBetterThanWomen.com does not allow women on its site, I both allow and encourage women to read ShrinkTalk.Net. Is this a problem for the purposes of this interview?

I have no problems with women reading this interview and I have no problem catering to the female mind. Sometimes, I talk to as many as three or four women a day. Just expect my answers to be slightly less profound than they would be at a man-brain packed sausage-party like MenAreBetterThanWomen.com. Swear words and The Truth melt women's pretty little brains.

2) (Mental Note: Subject believes women's brains are not only small, but attractive as well). Dick, isn't it true that you wanted to speak to me as a form of therapy, as a way to purge yourself of your hateful ways?

As I kept insisting on Dr. Phil, I don't hate women. I'm just aware of the mountain of evidence throughout history and science which concludes that men are better than women. Who invented the V8 engine? A man. Who discovered the teachings of Jesus? A man.

Sure, I've said that women are whores, but what's wrong with a whore? A whore is a woman who provides sex in exchange for money. A trash collector collects your trash for money. A magician blows your mind for money. Women will collect and blow anything you want for a free car.

I have no idea why a man would hate a whore. I suppose he might if he was broke.

3) I see. In my practice, approximately 60% of those without a diagnosed psychological problem are female, and many of my colleagues report a similar statistic. I suspect that this is because women tend to be more open to self-exploration and communication. What are your thoughts on this?

I've written about this in my book Men Are Better Than Women in an article titled Television, Syphilis, and Cats. In it, I ask how psychologists can even successfully test a woman for mental illness. How do you tell if someone spilled paint on a Jackson Pollack? 60% of the time, you can't.

4) Okay, so in addition to not hating whores, you enjoy discussing STD's, felines and fine art. Good. Moving on, you recently appeared on the Dr. Phil Show. Many see him as a wise and helpful man, despite a formal reprimand from the state of Texas for having a dual relationship, as well as portraying himself as an authority in specialties that are outside his area of study. What "Man Advice" would you give to such a charlatan and poor excuse for a man?

I've said this before and I'll say it again, I don't take advice from tampon salesmen. As soon as I put a tampon ad between the words "are" and "better" in MenAreBetterThanWomen.com, you can officially reject everything I say.

While I was on Dr. Phil, I saw a form of worship and fervor that I have not seen outside of a Pentecostal church. Not worship over Dr. Phil's advice or teachings, but over the general gestalt of his empire. You might want to include a definition of that fancy word for your female audience.

I'm not sure Dr. Phil is even selling psychological advice. I think he's selling a religion, and I have no problem with that. You can see the tampon ad a mile away.

5) I think all of us are familiar with the definition of...wait, what was that term again? Gestalt? Never mind. I often see men in my practice who struggle with issues related to intimacy and commitment. I suspect you do as well. What do you believe is behind these difficulties?

"Issues" with intimacy and commitment are good things. I'm tired of this vagina-conspiracy targeting men and their perfectly honed instincts -- which I call manstincts. "Intimacy" and "commitment" lead to one thing: marriage. Marriage is a 50/50 bet with everything a man owns -- including any sex he may or may not be getting over the next ten years.

There should be neon signs in front of churches telling you to fuck off. A few emotional warning signs are your first line of defense against insanity.

6) (Mental Note: Remind pastors in therapy to tell clergy to "fuck off"). Your critics have suggested that your attitude toward women is due to a defect in your early bond with your mother, but I suspect a neurological problem or traumatic brain injury (TBI). Do you have a TBI?

Traumatic brain injury? I can't say that's impossible. I used to box and I did get a pretty good crack on the head one time trying to feel up an Irish girl with a huge rack at Starkbierzeit in Munich. Great festival, but nowhere near as mancredible as Oktoberfest.

Back to my mother, eh? My mother told me not to write the book and not to write the site. Sounds like a good mother to me.

7) What advice would you give to women who have unfaithful spouses?

Hit the Treadmill. You can find more information about that at HitTheTreadmill.com. A man will never cheat on a woman who keeps him well fed and well fucked. It's called "responsibility".

8) So sex, exercise and gustatory satisfaction are the keys to marital bliss? Fascinating. Do you have issues with female animals, or just female people?

Female animals actually share a lot in common with female humans. Female mosquitoes, for example, suck blood while male mosquitoes do not. Male mosquitoes are content with chillin. Female lions are also so greedy that they do all the hunting. If I was a lion, I would love running around the dessert killing the shit out of everything. Female lions are selfish.

9) If men are truly better than women, what is your take on how marriages can be more successful?

The only marriage that will ever work is the one between chocolate and peanut butter that is the delicious candy snack of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. All other marriages are frauds and hoaxes. Don't fix what isn't broken.

Dick, thank you for that...enlightening experience.

Dr. Rob, very much unlike Dr. Phil, knows when to cut his loses. The cliché fits in this case: the person has got to want to change for your work to have an impact. He might also need a neurological exam, but that's neither here nor there. For more "manlightening" speech, check out Dick Masterson's website, MenAreBetterThanWomen.com and his book of the same name. Damn, I hope my mother doesn't read this.
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