The Layering of Feelings

Have you ever wondered what you’re feeling? Sometimes it can be difficult to separate and identify one feeling. So I’ve told clients over the years that feelings can be layered.

The top layer of feeling is what is expressed openly, or is clearly identified by a person if not being actively expressed. I’ll use myself as an example (hypothetical situation though). Number 1 will be the top feeling, and the underlying feelings follow:

1. I’m angry because the DVD player isn’t recognizing the DVD that the next episode of “24, Season 2″ is on, and I was really looking forward to watching it tonight now that the kids are in bed.
2. Before being angry, I was worried because my wife is on her way back from visiting her grandmother 4 hours away and it has been snowing all day.
3. Before that, I was angry because I warned her to be careful and not to push it when the roads might be slippery and dangerous.
4. Underneath that anger, I have been frustrated because she refused to go to the doctor to get checked out for the cough she’s had for 3 weeks, and then drove by herself to a place 4 hours away.
5. I’m actually afraid she might slide off the road or get hurt if another vehicle hits hers.

In this example, the layering breaks down like this:

1. ANGER
2. WORRY
3. ANGER
4. FRUSTRATION
5. FEAR

Obviously, the DVD player is not the main concern here. But that can serve as both a trigger and an outlet for underlying feelings. Also, notice that anger came up more than once. People that are angry often may have a layered list of feelings that are more than 50% anger, which often is on top as well. That could be a reason why people who “need anger management” rarely express their other emotions; the other emotions are ignored or shifted to anger.