I just got back today from being out of town since Friday. I took Taz and we took Dancer back to college. Bear is madder than a hornet and has been in a rage most of the 3 hours since I have been back. At one point he said "YOU ARE NEVER HERE FOR ME. YOU NEVER BELIEVE IN ME AND IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT I AM SO MAD."
In the beginning this type of thing hurt my feelings, now I run it through the translator. Pretend you have one of those voice changing machines they use at Halloween. Translated it means "Please tell me you still are here for me. Please tell me you believe in me. Let me know it is OK." Now I do believe the first step is regulating my own emotions. Once I am calm the next step is regulating his. I believe he is about at that point. I will go and tell him the words his heart needs to hear. He, or course, has lost privileges for today.
Kids with RAD don't get consequences but he needs to have them just the same. Life gives them out. It is only fair to the other kids. Presentation of this is key. "Bear I see you are hurting because I was gone. I always come back because I love you. You have shown me you need some time at home near me by yelling your fear today. So I'm going to keep you close for at least today." He will protest. He will say it is not fair. I will just respond. "Everything is OK Bear." and leave it at that.
By the way, my daughter is beginning her Junior year of school. She is doing so well. We are very proud of her and her accomplishments.