Tomorrow is the day. I am finally getting prescribed some medication after 4 introductory meetings with my psychiatrist. This guy takes the word "thorough" to a whole new level. I can't complain though, it's better than seeing somebody who just wants a check and to be out the door.
That's tomorrow...today and for months before I have been a mental train wreck. Slowly decreasing the klonopin has proved to be a horrible experience. I wake up almost every morning with a racing heart and extreme anxiety. It gets so bad that if I had nothing to do on that day I would sleep all day. I'm also getting the shakes from this decrease even though I have followed my doctors directions.
I can't tell you how nervous I am. Not knowing if I will be able to get my life back on track is one of the worst obsessions in my life. Like a typical OCD'er, I don't see things like everyone else...I see myself either getting better and living the life I have always wanted to or I see myself dead within a few years. Can't help thinking this way, it's how my brain works. 13 years of obsessions will do that to a person. I don't just feel different, I feel like the kid I remember is gone and all that is left is this mental patient. I feel empty. I have horrible self esteem and my ambition is at an all time low.
Tomorrow and the days/weeks to follow have to be positive, they just have to.