Suicidal thoughts

I haven't written anything for a while. I have been feeling really low, and there didn't seem much point in writing about how I am planning to kill myself etc. I have had some patches that have been easier that have generally lasted an hour or 2. But even in those times I have been planning, and I think in a weird way it has been the thought of not being here that has made it easier to cope with, because I can see an end. That might not make any sense. But I know that even when I have been feeling a bit better I have been thinking a lot about suicide. I am not really sure what to say. I am still here and I still don't want to be.