Narcissistic mothers often have an iron hold on their sons. These
mothers appear to adore their sons over their daughters an shower them
with all of the attention and adulation. There are sons of narcissistic
mothers who become narcissists and the two of them are fused in a highly
pathological and destructive psychological duo.
sons who are not narcissistic have a rough time of it. They feel their
mother's narcissistic claws at the ready to get a hold of them and not
let go until she possesses them. Narcissists believe that everything
belongs to them, including their children,with whom they can fuse,
neglect or discard. The narcissistic mother demands her son's attention.
She cannot be attuned to her child but rather is bent on molding him
into what she believes is another replica of her perfect self. These
sons are both intimidated and feel deep hatred of a so-called mother
who blocks their way toward psychological independence, the fulfillment
and promise of their masculinity and the use of the potential and
appreciation of their individuality. Some sons feel obligated to the
narcissistic mother and spend much of their lives trying to please these
impossible creatures. This interrupts the natural growth of the child
and young adult. Often the father in these families is psychologically
weak and emasculated. That is why the narcissistic mother has chosen
him---someone whom she can fully control, manipulate and deceive.
psychologically possessed by their narcissistic mothers have difficulty
with emotional intimacies. Unconsciously, they belong to mother. How
can they give themselves to a partner when they cannot be separate from
her. There are sons who make the break from their narcissistic mothers.
It can be a tough battle. The NM infuses guilt. She is a drama queen,
insisting on her way despite the psychological damage that is incurred
by her son. Some sons remain pleasers and feel guilty if they don't
fulfill their mother's wishes. Inside they are torn between deep
feelings of obligation and enraged that they are still umbilically tied
to their NM.
Those who achieve the separation are freed
to feel and express their uniqueness, to use their individual potential
in every way, to be creative, to activate their spontaneity. Some sons
of NMs benefit from excellent psychotherapy. When choosing a therapist,
interview until you find the one that is best for you. This
professional must be capable of attuning himself/herself to you, have
well developed empathy besides a solid academic and clinical background.
Make sure that the therapist does not have a money motive and is not a
narcissist. This can and does happen. Some of the "most qualified "
psychotherapists, psychiatrists, counselors, etc. are narcissistic
personality disorders. Stay away from them; they can be very charming
There are many avenues to healing.
Learn to calm your nervous systems through methods that work best for
you--gentle hatha yoga with emphasis of breathing through the nose, a
form of meditation or inner quiet that you can do regularly, spending
time with people who appreciate you and are excellent listeners.
sons of NMs make a decision to go no contact with their mothers to stop
the constant interference, blowups, accusations, recriminations, etc.
This is your judgment call.
Above all, respect
yourself. You are evolving and growing each moment. You are becoming
free. Time for celebration. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D. Telephone Consultation: United States and International Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life Email: firstname.lastname@example.org