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Severing Ties with Your Narcissistic Mother

Posted May 26 2010 3:42pm

It takes some children of narcissistic mothers many years to recognize that this parent was psychologically ill. When we are little, we have to survive. We must accept the reality we are given. Young and dependent, we make the most of our family circumstances, even when they are intolerable.

Many sons and daughters of narcissistic mothers communicate to me about their growing up years. They speak of frequent cruel comments: "Why can't you do anything right. Your brother (or sister) always follows my instructions perfectly." "There is something the matter with you." "When I was your age, I was the star of my class. What happend to you?" It is not only words that stun and wound the child but the narcissistic mother's behavior. She give her very little one on one attention. When she is paying attention to them, it can be summed up as criticism and intimidation and abuse. 

Many children of narcissists describe their home life as a form of imprisonment. They were never allowed to have their friends visit because mother didn't like kids messing up her house. Some children say that they spent a lot of time hiding in their rooms. The narcissistic mother never came to find her children. She was too busy with her appearance and her social friends.  

When children of narcissistic mothers are grown and out of the house they retain the memoreis and scars of the years of abuse and neglect. It is held deep within their psyches and felt keenly as unbearable pain. Many adult children continue to make every effort to earn their narcissistic mother's love an respect.  They don't understand that the narcissistic personality is incapable of feeling or caring about anyone, even their own children. 

Often after years of psychological and emotional pain, the child of the narcissist decides that she/he can no longer hold any hope for this non-relationship and make a conscious decision to permanently cut off any communication with their narcissistic mother. I have heard from many of these adult children. They report that doing this was essential in reclaiming their individual lives to evolve in a positive direction and to find others who were capable of loving and caring about them. To learn more about every facet of the narcissistic personality, including narcissistic mothers, visit my blogs and my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation 

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