I had another session with my counselor yesterday and we talked about this blog for a little bit. During that conversation she said something I hadn't thought about that way before. She asked me if maybe one of the reasons why I am doing this blog is maybe wanting to get respect and recognition for what I do at home day in and day out. It might sound like a selfish reason to write about these things but in the end, I do deserve to be a bit selfish at times.
When L is doing well he does tell me that he is thankful for what I have done and am doing and that he appreciates all of it. When he isn't doing well the complete opposite happens. I have been told to stop mothering him, that I am too controlling, that I am taking away all his freedoms,... Yet the times that he isn't doing well are the times I crave the recognition the most.
That might be the exact reason why in the past I stopped writing in this blog when things started getting better. I simply started hearing these things from L again. Until the next time things started to get worse again.
I am someone that tends to bottle things up when it comes to L. I keep things in until I can't anymore and I explode. This blog is giving me the opportunity to get things out and deal with them in a more healthy way. I am still doing this because it helps other people and because I want to help fight the stigma. Behind all of that is still the need though to get recognized in a positive light even when things are not well at home.
Call it selfish, call it what you will. In the end, all these reasons can co-exist peacefully in this blog. All I am hoping is that you as the reader are able to get something out of this blog.