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Protect Yourself from the Narcissist's Cruel Manipulations

Posted Dec 04 2009 6:14pm

Narcissists are often very smooth socially and in the work environment. They are often sought after, even worshipped by their elite circle. The narcissist is obsessed with presenting a perfect image of affability, charm and confidence at all times. When the narcissist is in public, the world is his stage. He stands with the spotlight only on himher, commanding all of the attention. This is especially true if the narcissist is highly successful in the world and has access to power and wealth. The narcissisist believes and leads others to believe that the mask he wears and the image he projects is the real article. But this is the act that the narcissist has played all of his life. Beneath the surface he/she is a master of manipulation and exploitation.

Those who live with narcissists--spouses, children, other relatives--find out soon enough that this individual who is so charming and giving and gracious in public is someone else in his private life. This person behind closed doors is demanding, intimidating, ruthless, and unempathic. When a person is first married to a narcissist it is shocking to experience these behavioral and emotional extremes in one human being. Many spouses go along with the narcissistic spouse's manipulations and criticisms. They believe that it is their fault that the narcissist cannot be satisfied. For many the insight dawns that they are married to an indivdual who must always have everything go his way, that your life belongs to him. 

Regardless of the years you have spent with a narcissist, remember that you always have the choice to protect yourself against his cruel manipulations. This involves your strong awareness of your own value as an individual and creating boundaries that the narcissist is not allowed to overstep. It is unlikely that the narcissistic spouse will change. You  can change by arming yourself with knowledge about the narcissistic personality. Recognize your psychological and emotional strength and insist that your boundaries be honored. Some spouses create their own separate lives within a marriage to a narcissist. Others decide that this union is too toxic and exhausting for them to continue any longer and make the decision to sever this relationship. You deserve a life that has the stamp of your authenticity, that preserves your peace and creativity and progression of your growth on every level. To learn more about narcissists and how to deal with them visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation








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