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On the Couch: The Hot Chicks with Douchebags Interview

Posted Oct 23 2008 11:33am

Having completed our discussion with the masculine maelstrom that is Dick Masterson, let's begin part two of ShrinkTalk.Net's new feature, "On the Couch with Dr. Rob." Today we're joined by Jay Louis, creator and author of HotChicksWithDouchebags.com and soon-to-be best-selling author of a seminal work of the same name.

Jay Louis has spent his life studying what he describes as "the dark cultural trainwreck of hottie/douchey commingling," an esoteric area that needs to be part of mainstream scientific academia. He is a researcher, philosopher and true maven in this arena. His body of knowledge is so vast and impressive that he is being awarded the first ever Dr. Rob's Honorary Doctorate. That's how important his work is.

Make no mistake: the doctor is an intense scholar. And like many great thinkers he's extremely confusing. He has neither the time nor the inclination to put his work into layman's terms. So grab your psychoanalytic textbooks, read the man's site or at least set your browser to Wikipedia.org to keep up with his terminology. That will make things easier for everyone.


1) Dr. Louis, for readers not familiar with your site, could you explain the psychological construct of a "douchebag?"

Douchebaggery is purely a conceptual projection of self. It must be understood through the Lacanian lens of the early childhood realization of self and otherness, the mirror-stage. The 'bag becomes the inversion of his true self as an attempt to overcome authentic understandings of the "I" and thereby protect himself from subsequent emotional insecurity and potential ego bruising when that self is rejected by the female. By personifying reflection, by engaging in a self-as-otherness, the 'Bag provides the falseness from which to play-act a more confident and sexually arrogant representation.

2) Um....okay. That's great. I think. You often refer to yourself as "Douchebag1" (DB1). Could you elaborate on this Freudian identification and its origins?

We all contain the 'Bag Within, both men and women. Purging the psychological traumas incurred by living in a media saturated name-brand world requires a self-branding, a form of cultural reappropriation of the terminologies assigned by the structural biases inherent in our linguistic codes. Only by subverting the codes can one find truth. And only by staring at the boobies can one see boobies.

3) Yes of course. People love boobies. What initially attracted to you begin studying the commingling of hot chicks and douchebags?

Deep childhood issues with my teddy bear, Poochie.

4) (Mental note: invite Dr. Louis back for 2nd interview to discuss Poochie and how it relates to the psychosocial development of the intense genius before us) What motivations on both the hot chick and douchebag could account for such a fascinating dynamic between the two?

Delusional false constructs created by the internet simulacrum of which we immerse ourselves like a ritual Mikvah bath on a daily basis. We attempt to personify the spectacle by turning ourselves into spectacle, and therein lies the false media created douchebaggery that rots our society like a nasty-ass cold sore.

5) Do you have theories on the "Nature vs. Nurture" issue regarding the development of "douchebaggery?"

Douchebaggery is a fully cultural construction. No one is born predisposed to become überbag. Except people from Long Island. Who suck.

6) (Mental Note: Grandpa was from Long Island. Could Pop Pop have been a douchebag????) Should the American Psychiatric Association consider "Douchebag" as a possible DSM-V diagnostic category? And, if so, what is the appropriate treatment for such a condition?

Repeated slapping about the face area with a large dead fish, followed by extensive linguistic mocking.

7) I had no idea that violence could be such a potent treatment option. Fascinating! While your work is primarily as a researcher of the hot chicks with douchebags phenomenon, what advice would you give to a Psychologist who is treating a couple of this nature in his practice?

Beat them about the face and chest area with a cold, three day old loaf of rye bread. Preferably one purchased at Canter's Deli on Fairfax.

8) Beat the woman also? How cutting edge! I often work with clients who suffer from extreme anger at not being able to obtain the women who choose to be with the douchebags you expose on your site. What sagacious words can you pass along to these clients to assuage their rage?

Obtaining women does not excuse douchebaggery. Buying into that construct is what gives the douche his power. One must realize that whether in possession of the hott or not, douchebaggery is an inexcusable cultural violation that deserves societal mock.

9) Do you have thoughts regarding trends for the hot chick with douchebag dynamic over the course of history? Will it hold a permanent place in society, or is this a finite episode, like the Bubonic Plague?

Great question. This will be dealt with at further length in my book, coincidentally titled "Hot Chicks with Douchebags," and coming out in July on Simon Spotlight Entertainment. It can currently be pre-ordered on Amazon.

10) DB1, let us suppose there is a man who is not me. If this man who is not me saw any potential in himself to become a douchebag, what should this hypothetical man do to cease or at least retard the development of this diabolical problem? Again, this person is not me.

Kidnap a small orphan child. From England. Named Timmy. Then use him to beg for coin in the streets. If he complains, incentivize him by withholding porridge. Use little Timmy's earnings to pay for psychiatry to cure your affliction. Or buy my book.

Dr. Louis, thank you for your time and your strong words. And by strong I mean bewildering. You heard the man, people, go out and buy his book. Like Freud's "The Interpretation of Dreams," this one is bound to be a classic.

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