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Narcissistic Mother's Abuse-Making Children Their Servants

Posted Mar 24 2010 11:02am
Narcissists mothers don't give a damn about their children. They are narcissists first. The word "mother" is way down on their list of priorties. Often they use their children to enhance their personal image, particularly if they are beautiful, handsome, very bright and charming. The narcissistic mother can trot these children out like some form of entertainment to show everyone the remarkable progeny she has produced and is raising. Her children are the product of her perfection and superiority. In some horrendous instances, the narcissistic mother offers her daughter up as sexual bait to attract a man in whom she is romantically interested. I have known of narcissistic mothers who insisted that a young daughter marry a narcissistic man. The mother wanted access to this dream man of hers and achieved this through her daughter. Craven narcissistic mothers have had sex with their daughter's boyfriends and husbands.

Many children of narcissistic mothers are treated like abused unpaid servants in their own homes. They are expected to do all of the dirtiest work---dishes, cooking, shopping, babysitting, huge cleaning jobs, all of the laundry--You name it, the narcissistic mother expects no less. If you don't follow her demands to the letter, some children get a swift blow to the face, a cuff in the jaw or a hateful litany of words that is psychologically crushing.

In public her children are the perfect darlings that enhance her image; in private they are there to be abused, manipulated with fear and exploited in every way imaginable. This picture is ugly but true. Many people turn their heads  away from the truth. If you tell the truth, people become angry with you and remove themselves from your presence. Never be afraid to tell the truth, especially if you have endured years of abuse under the deadly heel of a narcissistic mother.

I have communicated with many adult children who have miraculously survived the narcissistic mother wars, tribulations and gnashing of teeth in the darkness. They have maintained their individuality and humanity despite the inhumanity of their treatment. Surviving the narcissistic gulag, they have spent years reconstituting themselves through an unflinching pursuit of knowledge about themselves and their narcissistic mothers. Many have benefited from excellent psychotherapy. Others have found healing through different spiritual modalities. The psyche and mind cannot be broken if we keep faith with ourselves, never give up, pursue the truth, honor our unique individuality and maintain close contact with our souls. Congratulations and a big hug to everyone who has survived and prevailed over their narcissistic families. Visit my website:



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation

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